I don't know what this is. From the cover I’m assuming it’s a Christian album.
Pussy King
I feel uncomfortable just typing this song title. This is as
good as I expected so far. I think every third word refers to his genitals,
which is as it should be. WOW he hit racism, sexism, and religious intolerance
within the first minute. I think he could have done ever more if he dispensed
with the intro of Kid Rock mumbling. Jesus…I can’t comment on the music yet
because I’m kind of uneasy even listening to this at work. “All the panties
drop down whenever I sing…” Is this accurate? It would actually be sort of hard
to perform a concert with this going on. HAHAHA Wow there is a robust chorus of
soul-singing women backing him up for the last minute. The music for this song
is standard modern country. The music is not the important part.
Fuckin’ Around
This is much more laid-back. It probably won’t be offensive.
Hey, it’s a male/female duet. Probably an intimate love song. Oh yes,
definitely. I’m going to spoil the ending and let you know that it’s kind of an
O Henry story about two sleazy cheaters bonded by their infidelity. The song is
actually pretty catchy, but I suspect I’m overly receptive to anything vaguely
musical after the first song. This is a “list” comedy song, which I think is a
comedy music cop-out but whatever…as the Pussy King I don’t think Mr. Walker
Jr. is concerned with something as inconsequential as artistic criticism.
Puss In Boots
Must be a song about a cat. AGH Even though I know exactly
what’s coming with every single joke he still manages to make me cringe. There
is an awful lot of tongue/butthole talk already and we’re only 2 ½ songs in. I’m
already becoming numb but I think this is the most crass song yet. Still
reasonably catchy though. There’s nothing remarkable about the music but I
think he just took the house band from the local honky talk and walked them
down to the STD clinic for a performance. “I like my puss in booo-ooo-ooots”
Finger Up My Butt
I’m sure I’m going to accidentally type something about this
album in a work email and then I’m done for. There’s a silly deep-voiced man
reinforcing every offensive line in the song and it’s making me chuckle every
time. But then I feel awful. “Be a good boy and clean out yer butthole” is
solid advice. This song is probably meant to be paired with Del Tha Funkee Homosapien’s
“If You Must”.
That was a short song, but to the point. Butt to the
pointer. Pointer to the butt. I’m really getting into the spirit here.
Summers In Kentucky
This is…sentimental? I’m just waiting for the punchline, but
if he plays this song about remembered young love straight this will be my
album of the year. Four songs about anal fingering and then sweet love and-
NOPE. Never mind. He managed to get to stretched-out genitals by 80 seconds in.
Still fairly sentimental though, if you think “leave your husband and ride on
my tour bus even though I just called you used-up” is sentimental.
Drunk Sluts
From the title and intro bars this is probably another sweet
song. It must be intended to go with "Drunk Girls" by LCD Soundsystem. If I was more ambitious I'd find a sister song for every track on this album but then Wheeler Walker Jr. would probably stick his penis in each of them because that's what the Pussy King does to sisters.
This album is really flying by, which is more than I can say for some of
the other mystery albums I’ve listened to recently. Even though this song is horribly
offensive, the album has really moved (slightly) away from the overtly crass
first four songs. There’s still plenty of time to bring it back home. Huge
creepy old man vibe coming on strong as this song builds. I’m really not sure
what the message of the song is, which is shame on me because it’s not like
there’s a lot of subtext to this writing. I’d like to think he wrote this album
sequentially and once he did the last song got stuck in a depressed drunk rut
thinking about how old and gross he is. Looking at the next song’s title I can’t
imagine that’s accurate though. I have to say, if I tuned out the words this is
probably something I could stand to have on in the background. Around women and
children, obviously.
Ain’t Got Enough Dick To Go Around
A breakup revenge song with steel guitar. What more || let
me start this over and see if I still feel like I couldn’t ask for anything
more. Yep, still do. I’ve actually known quite a few people who have described
themselves as “the hottest shit in town” so this song means a lot to me. Of
course, only one of them can actually
be the hottest shit in town because that’s a Highlander situation right there.
There’s a very specific kind of sword used to determine THE ONE though so I’ve
always left it to them to hash out. Haha…I enjoyed the guitar lead-out followed
by the commentary about the guitar.
If My Dick Is Up, Why Am I Down
This might have the best opening line yet. “Girls I used to
jack off to when I skipped class are now hittin’ me up for a backstage pass”.
This is another sentimental song. As this trash goes on I’m more and more
impressed with the various guitarists. Yeah, it’s probably standard session
work for “generic country” but I don’t listen to a lot of that so I’m getting a
kick out of all the different tones and the various melodies/solos. The “joke”
of this song is pretty weak and all in all it feels a little half-hearted so I’m
left only semi-excited. That’s a dick joke. A flaccid one.
Small Town Saturday Night
What a catchy number! And JESUS so crass right out of the
gate. This song almost could have fit on a normal (non-filthy) album as the
joke track at the end. As it stands, all the butt-fingering genital-stroking talk
is starting to blend together. Although I am a little curious about a line
toward the end of this song because I think he just said that a truck full of
men were satisfying each other manually. I’m not going to go back and look it
up to confirm though.
Pictures On My Phone
Another flashback song. This one is about masturbating to
dirty magazines as a kid as compared to the modern world of…sexting? HAHA I
know what he meant by “send me pictures of your pussy on the phone” but the way
he says it makes me think of a cartoon vagina holding a cell phone up to its little
clitoris-shaped ear talking to its sister who lives in the big city now. Good
God…what is this album doing to me that I live in a world of talking genitals
now.
Poon
Well this song sure cuts right to the chase. It’s a nice,
dark, reverb-drenched melody with every single line punctuated by the title of
the song. “Hey Garth Brooks whatcha eatin’”? I guess this follows the country
music tradition of naming off as many fellow country musicians as you can in
tribute? I dig the reverb though and my head is bobbing to the beat. Whoo…the I
GOT THE POOOOOO-OON yodeling finale is amazing. This is the best Christian
music album I’ve ever heard.
Rating: Six genital references out of five for being exactly
what I had hoped for. One tiny penis out of five for something a human would
actually ever listen to though.
Download links:
Poonload
Dickyshare
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