Stranger Turning Stranger - A Mixmas Miracle 2019 (Full Mix Leak 320 MP3 Album)

We’re doing this! 2019 2020 WHOOOOOO! 2019 2000! THE MIX OF THE FUTURE!

1. Ah, shoot…false start. This soundbar always hates my phone at first. NO SPOILERS, SOUNDBAR! Let me listen to Ohtis for a minute while it catches up. Come on, soundbar…you’re six feet away.

Great news – no more connection issues. I’m giving up on the traitorous soundbar and switching to headphones.

1. Nice opening – Four Tet-ish bloops and static. STATIC! That’s my sound of the year. And also strings, which are my other sound of the year. When I went through my candidates for my mix I realized I had a ton of static and strings. This is awfully nice but don’t go all Braveheart on m- Why is my kid talking to me? Can’t she see the headphones and doesn’t she remember that I JUST told her I was putting headphones in? I missed the transition to the new age space sounds but here they are now. I like the warbly closing plus STATIC!
2. Country twang, that’s my thang. Whoo dang! Drink TANG! “Tired of my sad songs”? Never! I heard promises of sad bastard music. Full horn section showtunes galore – I feel like there was a lot of this type of music this year. Kassi Valazza almost made my mix but it wasn’t meant to be because she had no static. I like the slide of that guitar, although this song kind of makes me want another country album by Karl Blau.

OK, I really want this on the speakers that I bought with HARD-EARNED MONEY holy crap I am feeling a little crazy. I need more of those chill, chill space sounds. That reminds me, I forgot to see who the first songs were. Let me use the CD as a way to block out the later songs so I only see what I want. THAT’S HIGH TECH. Oh hey, Slow Meadow. Did I help find this one? “Liminal” is a great word and is probably 41% of the reason I liked the book Liminal States. Song two was Faye Webster? I probably should have given that album more of a chance but I ended up getting more into Kassi Valazza instead. Who am I kidding? I’ve had years where half the songs on my mix were country-tinged singer/songwriter women.

3. Back on track, now on speakers! Ooh…uh…these are not my favorite vocals. It’s weird how close they are to the kind of androgynous warbling I really love but between the audio filter and the warbling falsetto it just sounds so forced. Oh look at that, it’s the Deerhunter album I hated. I think I would adore this song if it wasn’t trying so hard. Maybe they can make a covers album of their own songs but in the style of Halcyon Digest. Even better, in the style of Atlas Sound. Oh yeah – I remember liking this part at 2:30 way better the two times I listened to this album. I’ve really fallen out of love with Deerhunter, or at least newer Deerhunter. I do like a lot of the last half of this song but I’m not in this thing for HALF SONGS. I feel a little less crazy now but I still plan on shouting as much as possible. The whole song should have been the last 90 seconds, three times over. That’s kind of a mean trick to put an awful part at the beginning so that I like the last part even more, Deerhunter.
4. ORVILLE! YOU MADE IT! Orville was like three albums away from fitting on my mix but he’ll have to wait for the next album – there were just a few draggy spots on this one. I appreciate going from Rob Moran-level hardcore famous to doing something like this and his voice is pretty amazing. This album also has some fantastic lyrics and this song’s standout is obviously “spend a Johnny’s cash”. My favorite song was Winds Change but Buffalo Run was the one that was going to make it on my mix because it had the vibe I needed.
5. OHTIS! That opening line is what really got me to pay attention the first time I heard the album. Some years I worry that my mix will be all country and everyone will turn tail and remember it as worse than Transformers but guess what? NOTHING IS WORSE THAN TRANSFORMERS. This mix is 60% country so far and that’s just fine by me, pardner. Obviously I’m happy this song is on here because it was my number one album of the year, pardner. Every song stuck with me and at one point I think I listened to it at least 10 times in a row. Helps that it’s so short, pardner.
6. No wonder someone thought we were soul twins – there are strong parallels with my mix here. I had such a hard time with the two Tourist albums this year because they both had such different feelings while sharing a lot of the same sounds. My year was more Everyday than Wild so that’s probably why the earlier album won out with me. I like that this track is in the middle of the album because it feels more like a conclusion than an interlude so I’m paying attention to see why the mix is over so soon. TRICK MIX! NOT OVER YET!

Pardner

7. Oh, golly. Is this the saddest song? Also a trick – they’re all the saddest song. Even if I didn’t know he killed himself this whole album would be the saddest song. Every single track has a double meaning. My junior Mixmas elf stole my saddest song just because it’s about SNOW. It gets me because it’s less overt and there’s the meta aspect where the song sings about songs and it hits you that dead or alive, the person who recorded the song has become a ghost and the “whoa” chorus becomes longing moaning. My second saddest song is what made it to my mix and that one is much more overt the way Nights That Won’t Happen is. The play on words is cute but how cute is it to start a song with a direct statement about imminent suicide? I would have accepted a mix that was just every song on this album.
8. Space rock, help me meditate. There were a few of these kinds of albums this year (Moon Duo too-o!) and they all landed just outside of my mix. I liked a bunch of them but loved none of them. Some of my all-time favorite albums are space rock (Spacemen 3!) but the batch from this year didn’t have any true standouts for me, although I’m not complaining about getting a bunch of albums that I enjoyed having on all the way through.
9. I didn’t even have to make a second disc – this mix covered it for me! I liked this year’s…wait…last year’s Sharon Van Etten more than the last couple for the time and place. I managed to always have this album on at the right time this year and it helped raise it up for me, although it’s unlikely that anything will hold a candle to the timing of Epic for me a decade ago. “You Shadow” was my song. The biggest thing Sharon had to fight against with me was that this year was AMAZING for women with guitars, throaty voices, and a clever sense of playing with song structures and conventions. See also: like half the songs on my mix.
10. Will this be Swans? Low Roar? What else from my lost disc will be on here? Probably nothing now that I ask. Huh. Is this hardcore? Where’s Rob Moran when I need him most? TWO ROB MORAN REFERENCES! COUNT IT! This…might be from Transformers.
11. Oh thank God. Back to my disc two. This is one of the two Anna Tivel songs I had as possibilities – “Minneapolis” was the other. I thought this song was the perfect way to open an album. It’s just too bad that not every song on the album had the same sense to be in the right place at the right time. “Minneapolis” has all my favorite musical things though – ambiguity and clouds of dust. Just writing that puts me halfway to a decent song. Add in the last 90 seconds of that Deerhunter song and I’m ready to be an indie music superstar with as many as 15 fans!
12. Do I know this one? I do not. It has a bird name so whee! That’s probably why I liked the San Fermin album. I don’t like Electric Guitar, I learn over and over. I like electric guitars just fine and especially crunchy or staticky or fuzzy ones but rarely Electric Guitar. This is a little too 70s not-quite-easy-listening for me. I picture a lot of brown pants. It’s no Transformers but it’s also not something I would listen to more than once probably. I can’t understand the lyrics because the vocals are just too darn smooth, pardner. BRINGING IT ALL BACK HOME, Robert Zimmerman. I might be getting a little tired. I do enjoy the faded horn outro.
13. Closing out with…sounds calm….sounds piano…sounds like something I don’t know. Eluvium. Did I listen to this? Maybe, but it didn’t stick. I used to totally hate piano unless it was really buried but I’ve become more piano-positive over the last few years. Moonface helped me reach this place of acceptance, and maybe even appreciation. Well this is nice. I appreciates it. It really turned a corner halfway through there without really doing a whole lot. It just occurred to me…I think I had more instrumental songs this year. First time?

What an adventure. There’s a small part of me that wishes there was less overlap so that I could discover new things but considering the insane volume of albums I listened to last year it’s not a total surprise. The dog is having a face-twitching dream and it’s probably in response to that restful last song. What a great way to close it out.

Good night, pardner.

Jeff Greinke - Before Sunrise

Sometimes a music odyssey brings you a special treat. One that can really create a framework for the year. This isn't that album, but it was fun to listen to and it did lead me to a few other albums.

1) High Flyers on the Night Sky - Really strong opening with first light horns bringing the underlying basoon maybe? in and out of focus. I really like the layering on this song. It's dirge-y, but the flavors are so different. The strings give an Old West type of feel, but there's a Celtic vibe, and a didgeridoo sound as well. Maybe that's it instead of a basoon, but there's a reed sound that's coming in. Just when it starts to settle, the horns pierce through - slightly muted. A lovely arrangement.The fade out is really pleasant and lingering as well. Outback type of feel. The Austrailian outback not Outback the restraurant chain. Fosters... It's Austrailian for Beer.

2) Slow Train on the Open Plain - strings and piano, what a lovely album to start the morning. Trickling piano like rain on a windowpane. I can see myself sitting and watching the rain drip down the window - the trees and world outside coming alive with the build of some horns. 

3) Night Watch - This is much more atmospheric. Space-soundy with some muted bells ringing through. So far, I've really appreciated the mix of instruments and layers. Not much to say about this one. I liked it, but it's just a soothing layer of sound with small dings.

4) Before Sunrise - Very nice lead in. Oh, interesting start to this. I can absolutely see why this song is title Before Sunrise. It has that sense of promise and beginning. Waking up. A lot of building sounds. Some interesting bumps in this music. They building layers and now the strings coming in really bring this music to life. It's not quite Tan Dun, but it's the first thing that comes to mind. So there's something there, I guess. 

5) Under Falling Stars - At some point, we faded into this song. The transition must have been fairly smooth because I wasn't even aware that we had moved into a new song. That could be because of the transition or the fact that I was a little distracted during the move. That said, a lot of the same elements here. Maybe the ding of a triangle instead of bells? Not sure. Anyway. it's already over. 

6) Mountains and Clouds - Slow build organ sound to start off here. This is another song that is titled appropriately. I can see this from the window of an airplane. Transitioning through the lower layer, into the clouds, and breaking through into the sun above the clouds. It easily holds that space and is nice to listen to. The small peaks pull me along. Not unpleasant. Not the greatest. It doesn't have the layering that I really enjoyed in the previous songs or the diversity, but it's not awful.

7) Rain, then Snow - Nice piano lead in. I already have a lot of hope for this track. The trill of piano notes can really work for me sometimes. This is one of those times. Annnnnd. I was interupted... so, I assume this was good.

8) Before Sunrise (2?) - Yea. A lot more like the first Sunrise track, but longer. A nice upbeat way to close out the album. Whoa.. 11 minutes or something. Maybe a little too long.

Overall, I'd give this album 5 sunrises out of 7.5 Falling Stars.

Gwenno - Le Kov (2018 Full Album Download Leak 320 MP3 Stream)

I’m bizarrely excited to listen to this album but I can’t even remember why. I also can’t remember if the artist name is “Le Kov” or “Gwenno”. Oh well.

http://heavenlyrecordings.com/artist/gwenno/

1. Hi a Skoellyas Liv a Dhagrow
• Well that sure is a song name. This…is probably not an English-speaking album. Although if it’s all ambient like this first song that won’t be a problem. Now the 1960’s come in and spoil it all with spacey lounge music.  I kind of like the vibe, but I would have liked it a lot more 20 years ago. Yeah, they’re not speaking English. At least I don’t think so. It sounded like she said “the croissant pony”. I’m already bored though. Five-and-a-half minutes is way too long for what’s happening here.

2. Tir Ha Mor
• How the heck did I even find this album? Maybe on Album Of The Year? Oh yeah…I bet that’s it - https://www.albumoftheyear.org/album/95218-gwenno-le-kov.php. More space lounge. Generic space lounge, with heavier drums and a harp. What in the world language is this?...Cornish? (http://www.theargus.co.uk/leisure/arts_and_entertainments/16076106.Welsh_singer_Gwenno_s_new_album_is_written_entirely_in_the_Cornish_language___here_s_why/) This live review is turning into a research project. Don’t actually read that page though because you will hate this dumb person and their dumb person views on art and education and the real world.

3. Herdhya
• Another ambient intro. I wish she’d gone this route the whole album, and also not decided to sing. Her singing is totally generic for the Euro-lounge thing…slightly raspy, a little breathy, way too sweet. More than a minute in with no wacky space sounds though so that’s a plus. I fell asleep, just a little bit.

4. Eus Keus?
• WOKE ME UP! Wacky sounds, up and down! She’s so sultry now, except she’s not because she sounds like she’s faking the tone and also speaking goo goo ga ga made-up language. Aaaand there’s the shouted chorus of multiple voices that are all hers. She’s really hitting all the marks. I’m starting to get annoyed that this got good reviews when all she really did was take a standard retro album and make the lyrics unintelligible. Dear Mr. Google, can you have a hit album in a language no one understands? https://www.villagevoice.com/2013/05/23/different-tongues-10-foreign-language-songs-that-rule-the-world/ or http://www.officialcharts.com/chart-news/foreign-language-songs-that-got-to-number-1__19039/ . So…no?

5. Jynn-amontya
• Ugh…why are all the songs five minutes long? I guess I can tune out a little to get to the next one. Because nothing of interest is happening in this song. Like at all, for reals. In a normal album I could at least focus on the lyrics but these are all “JYNN AMONTYA BLOO BLAH MANANA”. Her stupid website isn’t any help. Genius isn’t any help. You can get her last album in English (https://ydyddolaf.wordpress.com/) but that’s not much help either. This is the best I can do:

Is there cheese?

Is there or isn’t there?

If there’s cheese, bring cheese

And if there isn’t cheese – bring what’s easy!

From https://www.theguardian.com/music/2018/mar/02/gwenno-le-kov-review-cornish-identity

Come on…seriously?

6. Den Heb Taves
• Birdies. Shrieking. Six minutes.

7. Daromres y’n Howl
• I got a scam phone call toward the end of the last song. It was the best part. This one does the “start with disjointed random crap and coalesce into something less crappy” trick to distract you from the fact that this is just another lounge rock song with mediocre vocals. Oh whoa! The male vocals that cut in halfway through are ABRUPT but I also like them. They have way more character than her singing for sure.

8. Aremorika
• I’ll pretend this is a cutting commentary on America but I don’t care enough to confirm that. Sounds like the best way to comment on America is to forget what you’re doing halfway through and slow to almost a stop while the remaining instruments drone on atonally. What the hell was with that ending? Fadeoutrightnowquick!

9. Hunros
• Is this the last song? Please be. Almost. It’s so much more of a chore to listen to a dull album like this than it is a bad album. At least with a truly terrible album there are things to talk about. This is a bad concept but the actual music is totally forgettable. And this song is annoying with the lifeless harp strums and her bland singing. Did I already use “bland”? Probably. I’m running out of boring words for boring.

10.  Koweth Ker
• Maybe this song is in Klingon. Shoot…it’s not. http://tradukka.com/translate/en/tlh says the English translation is just “ker koweth”. I forgot that I was supposed to be researching things. This song is also six minutes. It’s more song-like than the last one but at this point I don’t even care. SPACE NOISES! FROM THE 60s! What a waste of time.

Final rating:

Three synonyms for “dull” out of 10. This album could have probably been remarkable in the late 90s but everything on here has been done to death and it doesn’t even have any emotion behind it to move it past generic and derivative.

The Oh Hellos - Eurus (2018 Full Album Leak Download MP3 320)

Oh, hello! This is a live review of The Oh Hellos. Great intro, me.

http://music.theohhellos.com/

Grow

At maximum volume I can’t hear this nice singing and strumming over the loud talking next to me. That stinks. Let me jam my earbuds in deeper. // Done. That’s a little better. OK, so this sounds like a female-led version of the Strumbellas copying the Lumineers. You know what? I’m mostly OK with this kind of copying. This has a little bit of Riverdance happening in the background though which is not so great. And a really terrible electric guitar something in there too. But the chorus of voices is definitely my thing, especially since I may never get a good Polyphonic Spree album again. The Riverdance stuff gets a little out of hand toward the end.

O Sleeper

That was an abrupt transition. This has wobbling flute and guitar and quiet stuff like I should wake up now. Maybe this will be my new alarm sound. Oh hey…male vocalist this time. Old timey, too. He’s kind of doing an Ian Anderson thing without the unique edge. This one isn’t Riverdance but it’s close. There’s something darkly 90s and new age hiding in the shadows of this album so far. Hey, how come the band name is “Oh” but this song is “O”? The answer must be MARKETING.

Dry Branches

Dumb filler. Burn it like dry bran- oh. I mean O.

Eurus

I can get behind this. Actually, I should probably stand next to this, put my arm around this’s shoulder, and start kicking my feet out in time to the music. I don’t know if this band is actually Irish or not but I sure hope so because if they’re not this is way pretentious. Nope, American. They said “kin” like they meant it. Even though it’s on the edge of insufferable this song hasn’t quite gone over and I’d totally play a game while this was on in the background. Maybe not listen to it directly again though. They sound a lot like a local cover band that’s excited to finally play the matinee set at the state fair.

A Convocation of Fauns

So apparently the last minute of Eurus was actually this song. I don’t think there was any transition at all.

Hieroglyphs

JAM BAND! I actually really like when albums flow from song to song so I can’t complain too much but the endless mega-riverdance might be a little bit overkill. I can’t tell this song from the last two (one-plus?) at all. And the trailer park drumming is really starting to get to me. This would have been an excellent point in the album for a song that was…anything different from what the first five were.

Passerine

Back to the woman who sang the first song to close this thing out. I wonder if this would be more my thing if the drummer and electric guitarist got kicked out. Probably only a little more. Because you know what this album did? Made me want a new Saintseneca album since they take folk traditions and do something really special with them. I can’t get past the cover band feeling with the The Oh Hellos.

Final Rating

Four elephant ears out of 10. 10 might seem excessive but once you get past six you’ve crossed a threshold and every one only gets better after that. Not so with the children of Michael Flatley. Who I’m pretty sure is the Riverdance guy. LORD OF THE DANCE!

The National - Sleep Well Beast (2017 Full Album Leak Download 320 MP3)

Oh my god…it’s been so long since I reviewed an album I was actually interested in. The last The National album (or should that be “the last album by the The National”?) was good but didn’t hit me the way High Violet did. I ended up really liking the El Vy album. I know nothing about this new one because I refuse to turn away from the shadows on the wall of my cave.

Go, go, go, The National!

1.       Nobody Else Will Be There

I had to check to make sure it was actually playing. That’s a gentle slope getting to the actual music. This is a great song title when paired with the album cover and a pretty solid name for an opening song. “Hope you didn’t want to share this experience with anyone!”. The staticky beat sounds like when a record ends and clicks and pops to a rhythym. I don’t like the affected slurring in the third verse when he says “why are we still out here/holding our coats”. I want him to mumble a little better. I’m not sure what this song is about because it’s mostly just the title repeated over and over but I’m good with that. The lyrics I’ve picked out aren’t fantastic but the title is so I’m going to say this works well – short piano riffs, static pop beat, and a clever phrase on repeat. It’s every artsy downtempo act on Ninja Tune! I like it.

2.       Day I Die

That’s some frantic drumming! I thought it was electronic at first but I don’t think The National does that. Another good title. Not great, but it certainly sets the mood along with the album title and the last song and the opening lines are so great/harsh/real I had to look them up to be sure: “I don't need you, I don't need you/Besides I barely ever see you anymore/And when I do it feels like you're only halfway there”. I don’t love the 90210 theme electric guitar accents at the end of some of the verses and the lyrics are losing me. They actually seem a little trite or obvious or literal or something that’s not the poetry I want to follow the opening lines. Still, they have a good formula that still works of building up to being able to say their song titles over and over and this is no exception.

3.       Walk It Back

A talking any synthesizer intro, and here come the The National echoing rhythm elements. His vocals sound strained on this song so far but mostly I’m thinking about how many different ways I can say “the The National”. Maybe it’s that the vocals are too clear and underproduced. I don’t want to hear the saliva film and then divide at the back of his throat between words. OH JESUS, IT’S AN EXCERPT FROM A DOCUMENTARY OR INTERVIEW Better than an answering machine message, but still among the lowest of the low songwriting crutches. Forget this song. It was kind of dumb before the talking and now I’m tossing it in the gutter alongside the freeway with nothing but a worn blanket and a bottle of brownish water.

//

4.       The System Only Dreams In Total Darkness

Well that’s a pretentious song title. It opens with female vocals going “oooh” though so I will excuse it. I’m ready for something else after the last song made me so irritated. This one has lots of heavy/steady low drumming and the melodic accents don’t jump out as much. I’m going out of my way not to listen to the lyrics this time though. I appreciate how this song sounded low and grounded at the start but really soared into the imaginary sky in my head by the end.

5.       Born To Beg

Was there always this much piano in their songs? Probably. For some reason it’s standing out more to me now. This song is slow. It seems like a pretty awesome love song. Wait…what? “New York is older/And changing its skin again”. Who cares about New York? I hate Master of None and Louie and any other crap that celebrates New York for New York’s sake. Why did this good song about people suddenly turn into something about a stupid city? Maybe it’s supposed to be a parallel to a relationship but I don’t get it. New York means nothing to me.

6.       Turtleneck

Huh. I missed the start of this song. It’s really going all out now though. The guitars sound like fighting cats and he is really SINGING SO HARD, MAN. I think songs like this are important to break up the album sometimes but so far this is worse than the song with the talking. Which wasn’t actually all that bad, it just had talking. This song is actually bad. It doesn’t fit with the rest of the album at all and it sounds like they’re playing to a half-filled rodeo at the county fair.

7.       Empire Line

That’s more like it. Back to hollow echoes and thumps. This song is mostly atmosphere and lyrics. I’m really seeing through the lyrics on this album but it annoys me less on this song and the atmosphere is GREAT. Halfway through the beat starts to distort a little and then “I've been talking about you to myself/Cause there's nobody else” hits. Probably my favorite song so far.

8.       I’ll Still Destroy You

This is a …funky…intro. I feel like I’m in a Talking Heads outtake. Did he say he’d destroy me some other time and that’s what the song title means? Or maybe this is about destroying himself. That seems more likely because I’m pretty sure this song is about getting high in various ways because GUESS WHAT LIFE SUCKS AND CONSTANTLY MAKES YOU FEEL BAD SO EVERYONE CRAVES ESCAPE. I appreciate the “molecules and caplets” line because it’s definitely evocative of what it’s trying to be without flat-out saying “Hey, do you remember reading Romeo and Juliet in 9^th grade?”. The opening bars set the wrong tone for me but overall I’m liking this song. Hopefully it eventually sticks the way “Afraid of Everyone” did. I’ll just take the rest of this song to paste the lyrics to the amazing hook from a totally different song:

With my kid on my shoulders I try

Not to hurt anybody I like

But I don't have the drugs to sort

I don't have the drugs to sort it out

9.       Guilty Party

The glitch intro is nice. I have to say, for all my complaining about the lyrics they’re really starting to work in the context of the album. This is no John Darnielle opus, but as brutal and realistic songs about divorce go this is pretty solid. The actual music isn’t much to note but it’s not supposed to be. The bits of strings are nice. Nice strings, good strings. Here’s a treat.

10.   Carin At The Liquor Store

That is NOT how you spell “Karen”. There’s only one way to spell it and every other way is wrong and dumb. Is “hand in glove” a Smiths reference? Sure. Let’s just say it is. This isn’t very Smiths-like though. Oh wait…he’s claiming her name is pronounced “kuh-rinn”. Bull. That’s not a real name, or if it is that’s not how you spell it. The song name coming up when the song started completely obliterated my ability to enjoy this song. Also, I feel like he’s saying “foregone conclusion” over and over to try to sound smart, like Andrew Bird without a violin.

11.   Dark Side of the Gym

No way this isn’t about high school. Yep. Clearly about high school. There’s a 50s doo-wop angle to this but I don’t think he’s that old. Oh well, whatever. This song is kind of a cop-out, but not terrible. I don’t want to know if he married his high school sweetheart because if he did it will totally ruin the song for me. I guess I could slow dance with a teenager to this. If I was also a teenager. Let me make that part clear.

12.   Sleep Well Beast

Back to the glitch robots. They were never in high school. I think the The National goes to a lot more parties than I do, or ever had. This is a solid closer and fits the general theme of the album. Which seems to be about a lifelong relationship and the ups and downs of it. I appreciate that it’s not all new love like most love-related songs are. This isn’t “I broke up with my girlfriend and I’m kinda sad” – it’s “I’ve invested the majority of my adult life in this person and no longer have a sense of self without them”. The actual song itself isn’t the best one though because the robots have a farting interlude halfway through.

Final Rating:

Four and a half imaginary divorces out of five. The last one got back together for the sake of the kids and it ended up all working out. Not the best of the The National’s albums but a strong solid batch of mostly cohesive songs that I will actually listen to again and again instead of just putting High Violet on whenever I see the cover.

Richard Dawson - Peasant (2017 Full Album Leak Download That's Not Richard Dawkins)

Hooray! It’s mystery time!

*non-live follow-up edit* It turns out that I listened to the songs out of order. It doesn't matter one bit what order you listen to them in though - it still sounds the same.

Herald

So far, so horny. This song is two minutes long. The next one is only a minute long. Then there’s a 10-minute song. Does that mean that the first two songs are intros? I hope so, because this one is just some poorly-played trumpet notes. I think he’s spitting in the trumpet at a few points. And I’ve played trumpet so I know what that sounds like. The end of this song is ridiculous because the trumpet spitters start “talking” to each other.

No-one

IS HE PLAYING THE SPACE PHONE? I sure hope so! 

I don’t know what else it could possibly be. And other than that it’s just moaning and whining sounds. I’m really glad this is only a minute long.

Masseuse

This was almost a song with the plucked guitar notes but then all of a sudden it got all poorly played ‘n’ stuff. Drumming! That’s catchy enough but I’m starting to think he doesn’t actually know how to play any of these instruments. Those vocals. Hmm. I certainly like things with worse vocals. This has a little Captain Beefheart to it…sort of. I think he’s sing-shouting in a fake British accent. Unless he’s British, in which case it’s a fake American accent. If I hadn’t had to endure the first two songs I’d probably be more receptive to this song but it’s not the best. His singing is just as rough as his instrument playing but I’m still intrigued. Maybe not for 10 minutes of just this one song intrigued, but still intrigued.

Murder! Yippee! The lyrics were getting intriguing but then OH MY GOD PLEASE JUST LEARN TO PLAY AT LEAST ONE INSTRUMENT PROPERLY. The drums can’t even keep a steady beat. I like Sunset Rubdown (a lot) so I can’t write this off completely yet but it’s just to the wrong side of enjoyable in pretty much every way. And his singing is truly terrible.

It just keeps going. I’m so ready for this to be over but there are three minutes left. How? A new song just started inside the old song but you know how I know it’s still the same song? Because ¾ of the guitar notes are poorly strummed and have that teeth-clenching vibrating sound happening louder than the note itself. I want someone with talent to re-record this song because I still think there’s something worth saving here. Of course, I also thought my ex-wife was worth marrying so you should absolutely not trust my assessment.

Ogre

Someone else must be playing that violin because it hasn’t messed up anything in the intro. I do like when the vocals are chanted by a chorus. And at least in this song the other voices mostly drown out his rotten voice. I need some more synonyms for “bad” because I’m going to run out really quickly. Oh no, he’s singing solo now. The drumming stopped keeping track of the song, but I think the poor guitar playing might actually be what kills the album for me. “Tie the goats to my cot…”? I think that’s what he said. It was important enough for all the other sounds to drop out of the song so he could warble his way through the line but I don’t understand it. And not in a curiously cryptic way, more in the way of throwing your head back and wailing, “WHYYYYYYYY?”.

What do you know – I actually really like the last two minutes of this song. I’m telling you, I could marry this Richard Dawkins character and turn him around into Moonface Jr AND get him believing in god.

Soldier

Back to amateur guitar hour with the start of this song. Oh hey…all the song titles are professions! Or…something. I don’t know what they are. But they’re things. And stuff. HIS SINGING SOUNDS LIKE WHEN A POOP MAKES A POOP. There are some mildly enjoyable parts here, but mostly him bi

Weaver

Someone needs to teach him about song intros. Because this “random tapping and plucking of guitar strings” thing he uses on every song isn’t working. If he could play guitar the intro after the intro would be fun though. As it is, it’s another “almost”. I wonder if this album is an experiment in putting a microphone above a random guy’s shower and turning the results into an album. HAHA he’s singing in ye olde high voice! This is another song where I find myself really enjoying the last couple of minutes once it’s built to a groove, there’s a proper beat, and he’s not singing. That last part is probably key.

Prostitute

No guitar introducing this song, just his “singing voice”. Uh oh…I think this is a ballad. In the most medieval sense of the word, minus any actual song-like qualities. Halfway through and I don’t think I can endure two more minutes of “Richard Dawson’s random thoughts”. This might be the worst song so far.

Shapeshifter

I forgot to listen to the intro to this song but I’m not going back. I only remembered to pay attention because halfway through it got kind of fun and bouncy and then a minute later someone let their toddler bang on the guitar and it killed it for me. I can hear more of the lyrics on this song than on others and…they’re not good. I think he’s just using old-timey or obscure words to sound more artistic but it doesn’t work that way. “Garment” isn’t that special of a word. It just sounds a little weird. That song built to a groove like some of the others but it wasn’t a very good one.

Scientist

INTRO REPORT: More stupid blurry string plucking. The actual song has some sing-shouting. This is what it sounds like when your bard has had enough and he’s going to tell you all about it IN SONG. I still like the choir parts, which may include children. The angry tone is just not working. I couldn’t say for sure what the tone of the other songs was but this one is definitely going for “angry”. It’s making him hit the guitar strings even harder so they vibrate more. I’m almost done with the album so it’s pretty clear that the crummy guitar playing is his thing.

Hob

What the heck is a “hob”? Not a beggar, because that’s the next song. Now I have to look this up because from what I can understand of the lyrics this might be some kind of ominous monster adventure. With a dead baby. Is it an upcoming video game? “Hob is not only beautiful to watch and play, but pure fun to play.” Probably not that. I don’t see any dead babies in the description. The song is another one that’s mostly vocals so I’m enjoying the distraction of looking up this “hob” thing. It’s probably “a household spirit in Northern England” but I’d much rather think that he’s talking about a character in Robocop 2. This song will never end. It’s so bad. So, so, so, so, so, so, bad. Or as Richard Dawson would say, “bæddel”.

Beggar

Praise the olde lorde, it’s almost over. Wow, only some of the notes in the intro are messed up. That’s a big improvement over the rest of the songs. It’s trying to hit a groove earlier too…welp, he just killed it by singing. I’m just going to put in some of the lyrics now instead of writing a review because I feel like these lyrics really do this song justice:

If you rely on the kindness of strangers

It helps to have a hound for a handmaid

Not only for the superior nose

Or companionship

Often people stop to talk with me

Having never seen before such a very beautiful snow-coloured collie

And you better bet that the “u” in “coloured” is important. Since we’re doing lyrics now, this song ends with:

And scream at the sinking stars

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Nope! I can’t!

Final rating: One and a half dead dogs out of five. I’m still going to marry him in the desperate hope that I can turn him into Spencer Krug but realistically I know we’ll get divorced within days if nothing else than because I have to listen to him talk in Olde English all the time.

Download links:

Zippyshare

iTunes

Lucy Rose - Something's Changing (2017 Full Album Leak 320 MP3 Download)

https://www.lucyrosemusic.com/

Intro

I think I heard this harp song in the bookstore at the Unitarian church I went to briefly when I was a kid. I appreciate that the intro is named “Intro”. There’s a little of a white girl soul thing happening with the vocals but considering it’s just vocals and harp I’ll wait to see if the whole album is like this.

Is This Called Home

Well, this song has a guitar too so that’s different. So far the album is moving a little slowly without making me care but I think my volume is too low. VOLUME UP! There’s definitely still some soul happening and every so often that annoying Adele thing (which is actually just a singing thing) where the sustained vocal notes “curl” briefly before bending back and ending. I don’t like that. Hey there, drums! Drums and strings and all kinds of things kick in a minute before the end and suddenly there’s a whole lot going on. Still a little overwrought but I can maybe get into this. I just need some bleak and/or depressing lyrics.

Strangest Of Ways

Maybe these will be the interesting lyrics. So far that’s been a weak spot on this album OH YUCK I HATE THE JAZZ FUSION FUNK SOUL WHATEVER. Totally killed the song for me.

Floral Dresses (featuring The Staves)

You’re losing me, Lucy. This has a reasonably classic feel to it but I’m just not feeling any real emotion. OK singing, sometimes interesting musical choices, but overall just going through the motions.

Second Chance

Very 70s soul/disco feel and that’s a bad thing. A couple stinkers in a row

Love Song

This is more what I was looking for from the whole album. Some nice crackle around the edges and while it’s nothing special it’s pleasant to listen to. Some little tugs of emotion here and there even though the song doesn’t go too deeply in any direction. It harkens back to an era of folk that I’m not necessarily in love with but it’s still pretty solid in spite of that. The ending is a little strange considering the rest of the song (the tempo doubles, among other things) but I’ll take it.

Soak It Up

Kind of feels like a rougher version of the last song, but I find myself bobbing my head along with it.

Moirai

More of what I wanted from an album like this – layers of strings and interplay between the vocals and piano. I wish I liked the lyrics better (or at all) but maybe they’ll grow on me. The second act was better than the first. Let’s see how the final act goes.

No Good At All

Eh…I’m indifferent. This is very poppy, very by-the-numbers, very throwback, very very. This feels like it should have been the second full song instead of that fusion jazz soul crap.

Find Myself

This seems OK. Which is probably my overall assessment of the album. THIS SEEMS OK. REVIEW OVER. Haha…I think she just sang something about it being OK, which completely validates my lame review. The lyrics are just so weak on this album and this song isn’t changing that opinion at all.

I Can’t Change It At All

This is a reasonable closer, but she needs to get to it. Either this song is never going to solidify or this is the longest intro ever. Well, she never really got to it.

Final rating: Three rhinestone-studded acoustic guitars out of five. About as middle-of-the-road as you can get without moving into the dreaded half-rhinestone zone.

Download links:

Mediocreload.net

Openload 

Hidden Orchestra - Dawn Chorus (2017 Full Album Instrumental Leak MP3 Download)

No intro. Get to it.

https://hiddenorchestra.bandcamp.com/album/dawn-chorus

First Light

Ambient gong and birds. I need more ambient gong. A little build and then quiet rustling…piano. This is a little bit movie score but it’s a solid intro so I’m reserving judgement. If the whole thing is A River Runs Through It: The Score then I should know by four songs in. I don’t like fishing.

Western Isles

If it’s a score, the movie just got way more interesting. There’s a little bit of a western vibe but continuity from the birds in the last song. I really like that the birds sound organic but then occasionally are manipulated to become part of the rythm. I don’t totally love the drumming style but most everything else about this is solid. Hmm…it’s turning into Squarepusher. Which I like, but I don’t know fits with what was just happening. At least there’s no fishing.

Still

That’s nice and clicky. CROW BEAT! BEATS BY CROW! Three songs with birds makes me think this will continue all the way through and I’m not opposed to that. Using organic sounds mechanically doesn’t get done very often and it’s working well, especially on this song. It’s sparse and melancholy but bounces between dark crows and light twittering. Now there’s a cop show vibe. CROW COPS! ARRESTS BY CROW! And now it’s the finale to a television legal drama? The last few minutes of this song don’t know what they want to be. I think there’s even some klezmer in there.

The Lizard

Hey, more birds. They’re playing with a radio.  Does all modern instrumental music struggle with staying interesting through a full song? Just make your songs half as long, ya dingus! Songs with vocals don’t just try something completely different midway through and you shouldn’t either. I hope this song doesn’t change tones/themes halfway through. That last song left me worried. Especially since this is starting out with some nice static-y clicks and whirs. Dead stop almost exactly halfway through…uh oh…wh || …no clue what I was going to say. Maybe that the dead stop wasn’t so bad and it went right back to what I was already listening to instead of A WHOLE NEW SONG like some other instrumental acts like to do.

Long Orchard

Not that long. Only four minutes and 57 seconds. More birds. They’re really sticking with it. They can’t back down now. Some people talk very loudly. Louder than instrumental music with actual changes in dynamics. VOLUME UP, BIRDS! The strings were a little annoying at first but between the timpani/horn and the build of the string repetition this is one powerful and catchy song. With a rooster at the end, because a rooster is a bird too.

Alyth

Are those tropical birds? I think they’re on fire. Or maybe just next to a fire. Jazzy flaming jungle birds whacking a triangle with their wings. This didn’t do much for me. It felt like dentist office music, if the dentist office was full of burning birds.

Wingbeats

Well of course, song name! At some point those birds have to stretch. Someone is ringing the dinner bell (triangle again?) for them. HEY BIRDS, COME EAT YER PSEUDO-JAZZ! There are a lot of melancholy strings and SO MANY BIRDS. This is pretty ambient and at 12 minutes it really better go somewhere. I’m already wishing those wingbeats would turn into real beats. OK, that seems to be starting. Wish granted. Strings coming in, drums, this is good for working to...but is that a jumbo panflute? Whatever that breathy pipe thing is I hate it but the rest of the song is solid. Those low notes are nice. Am I really going to write sentence fragments about specific sounds for five more minutes?

Nope.

Serpentine

That’s some serious drumming. There’s definitely a lot of Flying Lotus happening on this album. Haha...nice. The bird and/or monkey calls used as a harsh accompaniment to the crazy drumbeat makes me smile but also bob my head. Shoot – it’s over already. One minute wasn’t enough for that song.

Stone

This is going back to the river. A River Runs Through It 2: Jungle Bugaloo. So far none of this song is working for me. They’re using pretty much the whole “stormy weather” sound effects CD. Yeah, this song can stay on the movie soundtrack and get off of this album.

East London Street

BIRDS. Even though I can’t say it worked well 100% of the time, I have to give them credit for sticking with the birds to the end. I’m kind of getting burned out on some of these gimmicks though. The fake static pulse was nice five songs ago but not so novel now. The strings are strong so far though. A little bit of a Requiem For A Dream vibe. This can only end one way. Are you ready for some bird degradation? There’s a tonal shift around four minutes, but thankfully not a total song change. I’m still waiting for this to go the way we know all bird addictions eventually go. About three minutes left and I thought this was going to build to something major but it’s just been random birds and cracking for a while now. I guess that’s all I get.

Final rating: Say you have five birds, a bucket of flammable liquid, and five matches. You pour the liquid on the birds and light the matches, reducing the birds to greasy ash. If you divided the ash into five equal piles, this album is about as good as THREE GREASY PILES OF BIRD ASH OUT OF FIVE. It had the potential to be an even bigger pile of blackened toucan but a few of the songs are pretty misguided and out of place on an otherwise-cohesive album.

Download links:

Birdshare

Zippyshare

Omerta.is

Lorde - Melodrama (2017 Full Album 320 MP3 Download Leak)

I’m actually way too excited about this album. There’s pretty much no way I won’t be disappointed. Look at the cover…I’m already disappointed. I’m glad Lorde commissioned an angsty can’t fall asleep portrait from a local high schooler but it’s not a good album cover. Or maybe it is for the music on the album. I don’t know yet, but I will in a second.

Green Light

Crap – I think I heard part of this song before. I hate that with a new album. She’s so angry. Why is she so angry? This is awfully aggressive. Hahaha! When she tries to go to deep-voiced growl for “I hear sounds in my mind” they probably could have added some production tricks so it wouldn’t sound so lame. “Sometimes I wake up in a different bedroom”? As far as I can tell this is the angry drunk but now I’m sad post-party anthem. It’s not entirely un-catchy, but it doesn’t have a lot of what I love about the first Lorde album. And I do love it.

Sober

Another party song? The intro to this is trying really hard to be weird but I don’t hate it. But if this whole album is about drinking and partying I’m probably not going to identify with it too heavily. It was the tone of the first album that won me over and not necessarily the lyrics so I’ll stick with it. This song is pretty bombastic like the first one though and while I can definitely enjoy it I’m hoping that all this party comedown talk turns to more sedate, pulsing, uncomfortable introspection. So I basically either want it to be How to Dress Well. Yuck. I hate the hand clap-y last part of this song. I hope there are at least a few songs where there’s not a backing vocal track with four people singing the same thing.

Homemade Dynamite

I think this is probably closest to what I’m looking so far but it’s still a ways away. SO MUCH PARTY TALK. And there’s the multi-voice chorus again. These songs are afraid for there to be any silence or held notes. Her gun shooting sound effect with her voice is pretty endearing though. But then that dumb “blowin’ shit up with homemade d-d-d-dynamite” refrain kicks back in.

The Louvre

I hope this is actually The Proclaimers “I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)”. It’s not. I like that it’s “The Louvre” by The Lorde. Although she should really spell her name “Lourde”. There are some nice production tricks in this song, even if it’s doing the annoying dance song thing of talking about dancing as if people won’t know they’re supposed to be dancing unless they’re constantly reminded and encouraged. Solid bassline in this song. Does everything stop a minute before the end of the song because everyone is tired of dancing. COOLDOWN EXERCISES FOR THE LAST MINUTE, PEOPLE

Liability

For all my complaining I’m actually enjoying this pretty well. Piano intro followed by vocals…her vocals are still too loud. I like it better when you can hear her but her voice dodges in and out of sparse sounds like it’s got something it needs to say to you but it’s also a little awkward and doesn’t quite know how to say it all at once. That’s not happening her. What the crap is this toy nonsense? OK, this song is dumb. Too bad because the piano ballad is really a chance to shine.

Hard Feelings/Loveless

Finger snaps. Do you remember finger snaps? They were on the last album. These finger snaps are a little rounder sounding, and they’re playing 80s arcade games if the sound effects are any indication. Those aren’t the only 80s things jumping all over this song but I can ignore them – I think this is my favorite song so far. It’s sparse enough and has some interesting layers. It’s probably going to start shouting at me about drinking and partying and dancing soon but it’s doing pretty well so far and I have to give credit to any song over five minutes on a party/pop album. Although I don’t know if it counts if the “/” in the title actually means that they just forgot to put a track break in and instead put five seconds of silence in one longer track. Because the last two minutes are absolutely a different song. Where she says a bad word so you know she’s serious. Wait, it’s fading out at 90 seconds into a two-minute song? This must mean something. I like spelling in songs. I like spelling in general.

Sober II (Melodrama)

The symphony is going to tell me to party hard. I just know it. The jump to piano/vocal is actually pretty nice since it’s starting to bring together the earlier parts of the album. And then the strings come in. More “F” words. So serious. The build of this is really solid though. I’m two minutes in and really wishing this song was more than three minutes long. Especially since the last 30 seconds is just highvoice chanting the name of the album over and over.

Writer In The Dark

WOW LOUD VOCALS. Is this the obligatory writer’s block song? Huh, maybe not. She has a leg up on Bill Callahan right now then. Just piano/vocal/finger snaps and boy I really like the melody and the way they executed the chorale effect. The echoes are good too. At first I thought the music was playing out of my phone speaker as well as my headphones so A+ production on this one.

Supercut

The way this song opens makes me think of every single pop song from 1996. Does anyone who isn’t into film or is a celebrity know what a “supercut” even is? I happen to fall into at least one of those categories but there are plenty of people who probably think she’s talking about cheap haircuts. “It’s just a Great Clips of us” doesn’t work as well but now I hope it happens in this song. This song is pretty boring. Does Lorde spend her nights drunk and her days fighting with lovers? Still boring. Jesus…the fade out lasted almost a minute.

Liability (Reprise)

Didn’t way more albums used to have reprises? Did that die off because the label called Reprise died? Oh wait – they’re still alive. I just don’t listen to any of their artists. This song was over before I could form an opinion. Mostly because I was too busy learning that Seal is still releasing albums. On Reprise Records.

Perfect Places

This album is losing me. This song is mostly a bunch of people shouting together. It sounds like they’re having an argument with a synthesizer. OK and now it’s done. That was a pretty weak way to close the album.

Final rating: I was all set to give this four Lorde echoes out of five because it managed to entertain me most of the way through but those last three songs knocked off half a Lorde. Three-and-a-half Lordes out of five. We have a real mess on our hands. Oh Lourde.

Download links:

Omerta.is

Crocko

Big Thief - Capacity (2017 Full Album Leak 320 MP3 Download)

I liked the last Big Thief album all right I guess. Someone anonymous was very enthusiastic about it and that enthusiasm was infectious. I actually can’t remember my opinion of the last album out of that context but let’s just all agree that it was fine and was probably at least one person’s ALBUM OF THE YEAR.

https://bigthief.bandcamp.com/album/capacity

Pretty Things (3)

I think this is a Metallica song from the black album. Oh, that singing tells me I’m wrong. An elf is singing. A pretentious elf from the roaring 20s. Someone is tripping over garbage in the background while the elf talks about her pubis. A lot. This song has no beat, and not a lot of  rhythm. Not something you’d dance to, but you probably wouldn’t want to because if you danced you would miss all the talk about what’s between elf thighs.

Shark Smile (5)

A bunch of instruments being played randomly. This album is not off to a very cohesive start. Maybe all their instruments broke after the last one and this is supposed to be a chronicle of their loss. Oh wait, a minute in they started working and a real beat happened. The Flapper elf voice is still kind of irritating to me but this has a nice Mazzy Star On Uppers vibe that I’m digging. As previously noted, I am an absolute sucker for any time a singer says “ooh” instead of an actual word. That song was pretty decent.

Capacity (2)

I hope every song on the album doesn’t start with a cacophony. Because the first three did. I feel like Jennifer Charles was really born too soon. No one appreciates Elysian Fields now but she’s been doing this shtick for decades. Wait…do I have the right artist? Let me check || I just listened to Black Acres and I’m definitely thinking of Elysian Fields. They were Big Thief before Big Thief was Big Thief. Maybe that’s the whole point of the band name. STRINGS! They stole from Elysian Fields, Mazzy Star, and…I’m missing someone else. I didn’t really like most of this song. Too discordant.

Watering (0)

It doesn’t start with a mess of broken instruments! I thought this band had a male singer too but I’m probably thinking of someone else. I want this song to be performed by a male vocalist. Not just for an elf break but because I think it would work better with a deeper voice. And I don’t like the heavily distorted guitar they randomly strum every so often. This song does that thing that ROCKERS like to do where it stumbles over itself to do a power move every so often. The singing sounds more like howling by the end. The last song I just didn’t like parts of. This song I didn’t like the whole thing, which is a shame because song four is every band’s chance to shine.

Coma (6)

Strumma strumma strumma STOP what? OK, let’s get back to it. I don’t have much to say about this song but it was probably my favorite so far.

Great White Shark (7)

I like this one even better. I feel like the fluidity of it (sharks live in water!) is well-suited to the wobbly elf voice. The drums dropping out even works for me; sometimes that trick is just annoying.

Mythological Beauty (6)

They said the name of the song in the first line. Good for them. Romeo must die. I like this song so far too. Maybe the first four songs were there to get rid of anyone not dedicated enough to the band. Well I’m dedicated. So dedicated that I’ll at least listen to the rest of the songs. No guarantee that I’ll ever listen to the album again though. Ouch…she shouldn’t screamsing like she just did. That part was annoying. But the bouncing bass notes are fun. || These live reviews have made me realize that I really don’t like time signature changes in pop songs. But even with the Rush impersonation I still like this song quite a bit. Not a lot, but quite a bit. There’s a difference. Quite a bit of difference.

Haley (7)

Yeah, this thing has really hit its stride. The singer can’t hit notes as high as she wants so I hope she stops trying. The secret to success is never trying to achieve anything more than what you’re already capable of. I like the way she rushes through the line right before each held word. “Anywayouwalkaround”. Charms me every time. I should start marking these songs as “+” or “-“ and come up with a final score at the end. Art appreciation is just math. I can say that because I was a docent once. I decided. I’m going back and adding a 1-10 score to every song. Not technically live for all the ones before this but screw you if you don’t like my hat. It’s my live review.

Mary (6)

Straight vocal intro and it’s not very good. I want it to be Regina Spektor and I think the singer does too. It’s not. Halfway through and she’s still trying really hard, just vocal and piano. This would probably seem really nice if I’d never heard my musical wife Regina before. I had to skip back a little to be sure, but a robot bird starts chirping around 3:35. It was annoying at first but I kind of like it as the only foreign sound. I was at peace with the Spektor impersonation by the end of this song.

Black Diamonds (7)

Kind of a bar band vibe to this which I usually hate but I like this so far. Her voice is clear and strong and I wonder why she hasn’t sung like this more on the album. The guitar is a little all over the place like the player forgot what they were doing every fifth note but at least it’s way behind the good vocals. I think I also just like the words “black” and “diamonds” and they sound good together. Even the wispy refrain of “I could never leave him” sounds OK in the context of the song even though it’s sung higher than she can really hit. Oh hey…that was the last song.

The final countdown: Assuming 10 possible points per song if this was the BEST ALBUM EVER (a title currently held by both “Honky Chateau” and Sunset Rubdown’s “Dragonslayer”) these big thieves get a 49/100. We’ll round up to give them six stolen Reginas out of 10.

Download links:

Rapidgator

Reginaswipe

Charlie Fink - Cover My Tracks (2017 Full Album Download Leak Of Total Crap)

https://charliefink.bandcamp.com/releases

I wasn’t going to write anything and then the ridiculous cowboy song came on and I couldn’t stop laughing. So my live review is mostly just the lyrics to that song and some complaining. This album is a crappy pile of crap and doesn’t even deserve to be live reviewed all the way through. The last Noah and the Whale album was laughably bad with its absence of any kind of subtlety and “I’m your new guidance counselor” vibe but this is a whole new level of bad. As I look over the lyrics to this cowboy song I think they might actually be fine if they weren’t sung in the most earnest, smug tone possible as if no one has ever thought these kinds of thoughts before.

[Verse 1]

Some girls dream of meeting a rich boy

Some girls dream of being a Playboy

But since I was young, I only had one

I dreamed of being a cowboy

I used to strut up and down my street

Wearing a Stetson and boots on my feet

And in my mind, I'd go back in time

To a land of sand and whiskey

[Pre-Chorus]

And ooh, ooh, all the other kids

They used to tell me I was strange

But ooh, ooh, I didn't care what they think

I knew I belonged on the plains

[Chorus]

'Cause I was born to be a cowboy

Singing in a campfire song

I was born to be a cowboy

But the cowboys are gone

[Verse 2]

Soon I gave up on the rodeo

And started listening to the radio

Got lost in the sound and I found

That I was born to rock and roll

I started playing the electric guitar

And learned to limited repertoire

And dreamed of the days where the bands still played

And good music could make you a star

[Pre-Chorus]

And ooh, ooh, most people said I should quit

Said I didn't belong on stage

But ooh, ooh, I didn't care what they think

I knew I had songs in my veins

[Chorus]

'Cause I was born to be a rock star

Live fast and die young

I was born to be a rockstar

But the rockstars are gone

[Bridge]

How do you find your place in a world

Where you don't belong?

All the worlds where I should have been

They've all come and gone

[Chorus]

'Cause I was born to be someone

It was written in my faith

I was born to be a someone

But maybe I was born too late

Someone needs to tell Charlie Fink, “You are not that interesting. No one is. Don’t ever sing about the real you ever again because your thoughts are insipid and you write like a fourth-grader.” At least the fast songs can be somewhat tuned out and you can pretend the lyrics aren’t the worst you’ve ever heard but this solo album is mostly slow songs. About him, or boring stories about people that are probably just him. I don’t have any clue what kept him in check for the first few Noah and the Whale albums or if they were just so catchy that I don’t notice how bad his writing is but man…it’s bad.

Rating: One self-referential line out of 10. The one point is only because there are a few catchy parts that made me go listen to a Noah and the Whale album I actually liked.

Follow-up Non Live Review Notes: For some reason I listened to this album twice more. It's still laughably bad in the lyrics department but darned if it isn't a little catchy. That said, I figured out what annoys me about his delivery - he's not trying. He's smug and he knows his voice is charming and he leaves it at that instead of putting a little effort into it. The only thing he's really trying to do at all is be "pretty Lou Reed" and it's just not working. But still kind of catchy.

Download links:

Poopshare.com

Megacrap