I didn’t know anything about this album and I liked it that
way but then I made the mistake of looking at words that were in front of me when
I found it and now I know that it was for some dumb play that I never would
have seen and was made by some people that I really don’t like (Sufjan Stevens)
and some that I probably like but not as much as the main guy from The National
(the guy who I don’t know from The National). But I do really like space and
themed concept albums so here I go. Technically this isn’t my first time
hearing some of these songs but I’m not counting having it on in the background
for a few minutes last night because I was mostly paying attention to killing
robot dinosaurs.
Neptune
Some light piano, breathy vocals, sentences that start with “For
I…” like it’s some kind of medieval ballad. Why do I hate Sufjan you ask? Probably
because he seems talented and passionate and creative but never quite hits any
kind of greatness. I don’t even know if it’s him singing right now (it sounds
like a light version of Antony and the Johnsons) but it still makes me remember
why I hate him. I wish I didn’t know that this was from a play, or whatever it
was. All I can think while the string kick in and the high notes tinkle is of
someone in a leotard mincing across a stage backed by painted cardboard
planets. I’m going with this song is meant to be an introduction because it
didn’t really go anywhere.
Jupiter
Static, crackle, pop! This is definitely more like a real
song. Some high voice again, so I hope the whole thing isn’t sung in high
voice. But this has a nice strong beat while still being mellow. Tossing in “By
Jove” is a nice touch. Actually, I like most everything about this song so far!
The digital noises make me think of being on the floor of a laser show and
everything is working together just right. There’s still a few minutes to go so
hopefully I get to bob my head for all seven minutes. The robot voice is
lightly Daft Punk-y. Maybe the whole album will be light (lite?) versions of
other bands. The electric robot voice guitar solo halfway through isn’t the
best but it’s not killing the vibe and this interlude is working out well. Oh
man…definitely Daft Lite. The robot saying “Jupiter is the loneliest planet” is
so fun, even if it’s wrong (Mercury is the loneliest, duh). The finale rides
the laser show glory into the sunset. Five lasers out of five for this song.
Halley’s Comet
I hope this song is about Swordfish. Oh geez – it’s over. It
was only 30 seconds long.
Venus
This song starts off a little ponce-y but I think that’s
going to happen all the way through this album. It’s a safe assumption at this
point that even if the performers weren’t wearing tights that the musicians
definitely were. Did he just moan “Cherokee jeep in the yard”? Huh. I guess he
did (https://genius.com/Sufjan-stevens-bryce-dessner-nico-muhly-james-mcalister-venus-lyrics).
Holy crap – these lyrics don’t make any sense. They’re just an assortment of
interesting-sounding phrases. Oh well, that describes most human communication
anyway. The robot voice doesn’t work as well here but mostly because I’m tired
of the moaning vocals and random lyrics.
Uranus
Hahahaha. Uranus. The warbling notes and scratchy intro make
me think of mid-90s alternative pop. I’m just going to have to accept the
moaning high voice at this point. There are a lot of horns on this song and
they sound like a Disney movie. This song is pretty disjointed. I am writing in
short, declarative statements. Seven minutes might be too much for this song. I
can’t understand what he’s saying. The space sounds are out of this world. This
song should have been called Urandompileofbaroquespacecrap. I barely made it to
the end.
Mars
I’m partial to Mars because I go there to get more candy
bars. It also pretty much has to be better than Uranus but it’s also seven
minutes long so I’m wary. So far it has some percussion that sounds a little
like a space battle with lots of space guitars playing their scales. ROBOT
VOICE TELLS ME “IN THE FUTURE THERE WILL BE NO #@$#@$#%$#%$#$#%”. I will never
know what will be in the future because I can’t understand the robot prophecy.
Too much distortion so I’m turning the volume up. I’m just being shouted at by
horn blasts now but it’s not entirely offensive. It just feels like I’m
watching a space battle movie with the language track and sound effects turned
off. A man is telling me what’s in the future now but I’m over it. Just living
in the moment. The last part of the song is performed by a boy band in New Space
Egypt.
Black Energy
Some ominous ambient building noises…did the boy band lose
the space battle? Did their tights get torn? For all my complaining I’m
actually kind of enjoying this album. I don’t think I could actively listen to
it all that often – this song is just ambient and not that interesting at that –
but it does feel a lot like having a mediocre movie on in the background. Looooooots
of space ambience. Still going. Gone.
Sun
DING DONG DING DONG More glossy space sounds. I’m really
hoping for an actual song this time around. Getting kind of burned out on space
sounds. It was just a whole bunch more ambient space sounds.
Tides
One minute long and still a ton of space sounds but a little
bit of a melody. I think my dad listented to this when he was meditating in the
‘80s.
Moon
IS that a space panflute? This is actually a for real song
so that’s a relief. It’s pretty…flamboyant. I think the alien boy band is now wearing
ruffled shirts over their tights. There’s a nice interlude with ticking and clicking
and toy piano. And it wasn’t an interlude. It was the whole last half of the
song. Sure. Whatever.
Pluto
I’m peeking ahead and I don’t think this album needed to
cover quite as much of the cosmos as it does. That’s not a dig against Pluto
(you’ll always be a planet to me) but it’s kind of a lot. I think this song was
on the last Sufjan album but with instruments instead of space trumpets in the
background.
Kuiper Belt
I’m pretty checked out. Spacy, even.
Black Hole
Hopefully there’s not too much black energy in this black
hole because I really need a pick-me-up and OK that was also only 30 seconds.
Saturn
A song-like song? Can it be? I’m definitely wishing the
whole album had been like the handful of “Daft Punk in tights” songs I’ve heard
so far. This takes half the song to realize it needs a beat but when that
finally kicks in this is a pretty good pop song. The last seven songs not so
much. Honestly, I don’t know how good this song really was because it tasted
like water after being stranded in the desert for a few days.
In The Beginning
Are these songs in the right order? Not that I need the
beginning to be at the beginning but there’s not a lot of logic behind why the
order is the way it is and now I’m wondering if that ambient run in the middle
was supposed to be spread out a little more. Probably not, but this track (it’s
not a song) definitely could have kicked off the album.
Earth
Overwrought romance. That’s all I can think with the way
this opens with rolling cymbals and gentle notes. The Thorn Birds? Holy crap it’s
15 minutes long. There’s a lot here that’s not really song so this is
definitely not a sci-fi “Desolation Row”. I kind of wish they had broken it up
into “Earth 1”, “Earth 2”, “Earths 3-5”. There are some nice parts in here but
all in all it’s way too unfocused to pull off the 15-minute gag. At least some
of the musical themes repeat here and there but some of the annoying parts come
back too. The ending is stupid.
Mercury
At least at the start this song sounds like what I thought
the whole thing was going to be. It wasn’t. I want my melancholy space opera!
Pretty solid closing track. Too bad a good chunk of the album stunk.
Jesus…that was a long album. Or was it? I don’t actually
know, but it felt like it took all day. I don’t know that I’m going to go on a
space journey again anytime soon unless it’s on in the background.
Rating: Two space boys out of a five-boy band
Download links:
Sendspace
Outerspace
Innerspace
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