Charlie Fink - Cover My Tracks (2017 Full Album Download Leak Of Total Crap)

https://charliefink.bandcamp.com/releases

I wasn’t going to write anything and then the ridiculous cowboy song came on and I couldn’t stop laughing. So my live review is mostly just the lyrics to that song and some complaining. This album is a crappy pile of crap and doesn’t even deserve to be live reviewed all the way through. The last Noah and the Whale album was laughably bad with its absence of any kind of subtlety and “I’m your new guidance counselor” vibe but this is a whole new level of bad. As I look over the lyrics to this cowboy song I think they might actually be fine if they weren’t sung in the most earnest, smug tone possible as if no one has ever thought these kinds of thoughts before.

[Verse 1]

Some girls dream of meeting a rich boy

Some girls dream of being a Playboy

But since I was young, I only had one

I dreamed of being a cowboy

I used to strut up and down my street

Wearing a Stetson and boots on my feet

And in my mind, I'd go back in time

To a land of sand and whiskey

[Pre-Chorus]

And ooh, ooh, all the other kids

They used to tell me I was strange

But ooh, ooh, I didn't care what they think

I knew I belonged on the plains

[Chorus]

'Cause I was born to be a cowboy

Singing in a campfire song

I was born to be a cowboy

But the cowboys are gone

[Verse 2]

Soon I gave up on the rodeo

And started listening to the radio

Got lost in the sound and I found

That I was born to rock and roll

I started playing the electric guitar

And learned to limited repertoire

And dreamed of the days where the bands still played

And good music could make you a star

[Pre-Chorus]

And ooh, ooh, most people said I should quit

Said I didn't belong on stage

But ooh, ooh, I didn't care what they think

I knew I had songs in my veins

[Chorus]

'Cause I was born to be a rock star

Live fast and die young

I was born to be a rockstar

But the rockstars are gone

[Bridge]

How do you find your place in a world

Where you don't belong?

All the worlds where I should have been

They've all come and gone

[Chorus]

'Cause I was born to be someone

It was written in my faith

I was born to be a someone

But maybe I was born too late

Someone needs to tell Charlie Fink, “You are not that interesting. No one is. Don’t ever sing about the real you ever again because your thoughts are insipid and you write like a fourth-grader.” At least the fast songs can be somewhat tuned out and you can pretend the lyrics aren’t the worst you’ve ever heard but this solo album is mostly slow songs. About him, or boring stories about people that are probably just him. I don’t have any clue what kept him in check for the first few Noah and the Whale albums or if they were just so catchy that I don’t notice how bad his writing is but man…it’s bad.

Rating: One self-referential line out of 10. The one point is only because there are a few catchy parts that made me go listen to a Noah and the Whale album I actually liked.

Follow-up Non Live Review Notes: For some reason I listened to this album twice more. It's still laughably bad in the lyrics department but darned if it isn't a little catchy. That said, I figured out what annoys me about his delivery - he's not trying. He's smug and he knows his voice is charming and he leaves it at that instead of putting a little effort into it. The only thing he's really trying to do at all is be "pretty Lou Reed" and it's just not working. But still kind of catchy.

Download links:

Poopshare.com

Megacrap

Do Make Say Think - Stubborn Persistent Illusions (2017 Full Album Leak Instrumental 320 Download)

https://domakesaythink.bandcamp.com/

War On Torpor

Is that an organ? I should know what that squeaky instrument is but I can’t place it. So far this just sounds like later Man Or Astoman? to me. Still with some surfing and some retro robots but also a little bit of “hey, look…we can be ARTISTS”. There’s a banjo thing coming in halfway through that adds a nice layer to the melody. Is it a banjo? If I can’t think of any instruments I’m going to have a really hard time with this instrumental album. I’m grateful that there are no gratuitous guitar solos. Yet. This song is sure taking me on a journey – I think we just hit China. SURF CHINA, ROBOTS!

Horripilation

No, not yet. I’m listening to a goddamn add for chemo. Should’ve just downloaded a leak from a rad site like Paper St. Leak Co. but I was too impatient.

Horripilation

For reals this time. Pretty good portmanteau for a title, I guess. If it weren’t for the chemo ad I’d probably appreciate the minimal guitar intro more after the big finale of the world-traveling surf song. I really hate the style of drumming on this song and for some reason every instrumental (especially surf) band has it on at least a few songs. I blame The Ventures. The little tinkling piano keys were kind of nice, especially the way they play off of both sides of my head but they didn’t really shine until the horns came in and gave them an accent. Once that happened I could almost forget about the drums. IT’S GETTING SO QUIET, IS THIS THE HORROR? I wish the guitar monster had stayed under the bed. The rest of this song was shaping up really nicely. The strong melody of the guitar kind of made me tune out.

Why did I just get a FedEx signature required alert? 

How the heck long is this song? 10 ½ minutes might be a little too long. Somewhere in the last quarter of the song a duck starts farting and all the frogs laugh at it. This went from slightly ominous to swamp slapstick.

A Murder of Thoughts

They sure are trying to be tough with these song titles. If there’s a joke I’m not getting it so I have to assume they’re serious because I HAVE THE BEST SENSE OF HUMOR EVER. Is every song going to start with one sound and then gradually add new pieces until it’s a big dance party? This one seems to be going that way. There’s a tiny cowboy riding the melody of this one and I would rather he lope along through the song on his own but already there’s a big drum edging in. By the end I predict at least eight new instruments. This band sure seems like a “not less than 10” kind of gang. It wasn’t 10. I was wrong. I’m glad.

Bound

This reminds me of something but I can’t think of what. This is the best live review ever written. “I can’t place that instrument.” “I can’t think of what this reminds me of.” “This is kind of like that thing that I did once but can’t describe.” Maybe it reminds me of the intro to a late-90s alternative rock hit starring Third Eye Everclear. WHAT IS HAPPENING There’s a terrible siren noise halfway through that is really messing up the song for me. The parts without the ELECTRIC GUITAR, BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU PLAY WHEN YOU ROCK are actually really pleasant. The guitar is so-so, and the siren is terrible. The ending was stupid too. Sounded like ZZ Top going to the bathroom.

And Boundless

Oh good, this song starts where the last one ended. These are not my two favorite songs in the world. Sounds like a car alarm is going off through the whole first two minutes. And it’s back. TURN OFF YOUR ALARM I’m tuning out until that happens. At some point in the last four minutes it happened but now there’s just a bunch of stupid cymbal crashes and THE SIREN FROM THE LAST SONG IS BACK. Thank god it’s finally over.

Her Eyes On The Horizon

This can only win me over. There’s a little bit of cowboy in this song. All the saxophones and clarinets are doing their best impression of that one free jazz album they heard that one time. The rest of the song is fine. Just fine.

As Far As The Eye Can See

I hear a real car alarm right now. Or a siren. Either way, it fits better with the music than the intentional one did on “And Boundless”. I wish the song titles told a story instead of being loosely related. I like the upbeat on this song – I needed something a little happy and I always feel happy when I hear an upbeat. It’s why I’m so tolerant of ska. Unfortunately, the upbeat drops off partway through for laser crickets to sing their song. It’s not a great song, and that’s probably why laser crickets are almost extinct. The drum coming back in is working so well- HEY! They interrupted the one drum part I was really enjoying. Playing random notes on the guitar (I believe the technical term is “noodling”) is really starting to get to me. I guess when you make a song with no words last almost 10 minutes you have to fill the time with something. I would have preferred twice as many two or three minute songs.

Shlomo’s Son

This stupid chemo ad. Every single song.

Shlomo’s Son 

Oh my god! A song that starts differently from all the others! It’s still doing the (at this point) stock intro with just one-ish instrument that will build in time to many but the piano backed by whatever that bass sound is was a really nice change of pace. Hey, did you know that you can play a snare drum with wire brushes? Because Do Make Say Crepes or whatever their name is does. It’s not the worst thing to want to make sure the world knows. Not like wanting to tell everyone you have a car alarm and know how to use it. Plus, this song was less than four minutes long which is much better. I love a good 10 or 15-minute song but you have to have a reason to go that long and so far I don’t feel like this band has one.

Return, Return Again

This song basically opens with an electric noodling solo so by default it’s the worst one on the album. || I don’t mind droning if it’s lower-pitched and there’s plenty of that here. This is a reasonable closer, it just shouldn’t have been seven minutes long.

Rating: Two car alarms out of five. I don’t know why I would ever listen to this when Man or Astroman? exists, followed closely by basically every instrumental light rock band from The Ventures to Friends of Dean Martinez. Which is a super obscure reference but is the album this one should have been (https://www.subpop.com/releases/friends_of_dean_martinez/the_shadow_of_your_smile).  Even the Sub Pop newsgroup thinks so - “Eerie, Western-tinged instrumental lounge music that makes you pine for a patch of desert and a big ol’ martini.” – Sub Pop newsgroup

Download links:

Caralarmshare

4Shared

Do Make Say Think - Persistent Stubborn Illusions (2017)

Do Make Say Think - Persistent Stubborn Illusions (2017)

I stumbled upon this group a few years back when I was on a music odyssey. This is their first album in 8 years, so I'm pretty excited. Unless there's some mass departure from these mugs, we should have a solid instrumental/post-rock type of thing happening here. Should be interesting for a live review.

War on Torpor : Ooooh a really nice build into some quick drums. There's so much sound in the first 30 seconds. It's building to a high crescendo and I don't think I'm a minute in.. Okay, whew a plateau. Otherwise, I think my head might have exploded. The bass drum is coaxing the back sounds through and allows another string (not a banjo, but something) into the forefront. Oh wow, I really like how this is featuring sound. There was this insane building cacophony of sound and then this deconstruction. This track has such a fast tempo that there's no time to linger on the featured sound, but there are these distinct, clean breaks that strip out sound here and there that really bring your attention to the individual elements. Wow. Pretty rad first track.

Horripilation : Nice transition into track two. Just coasts right in, but it's clear there's a different tenor here. Some nice strings moving us along. These two songs leave little time to rest. They are pulling you right through the song. Some really soothing guitar work here. The way the guitar and drums are playing off each other here is exquisite. They are building into each other and what started as a two entities has built into a single theme.. and then the guitar drops out. The transition into some high keyboard sounds is lovely. The drum isn't overpowering here. They are working so hard to demonstrate mastery over a sound transitions and they are fucking killing it. The distorted fade out into some chirps feels like a trope of the genre, but they bring in the overpowering dirge of an organ sound. It's not the end of the song - it's a transition. I'd say it's a lull, but the tempo doesn't give you room to breath even though you want to take a moment to soak in that brooding organ. Oh what a supreme move back into an up tempo drum and guitar. We are two songs in and I'm so excited to listen to this album again (specifically this track). Oh this song won't go quietly. It's taking me back down, stripping it all down, but keeping tempo. The movement of sound and bit parts of instruments just draw my focus. I can hardly type with these loops. I had to check. That was 10 minutes and 27 seconds of joy. I cannot wait to get in my car and blast this track.

Murder of Thoughts : A slow intro. This doesn't have the up tempo movement of the previous two songs, but rather a stroll along the guitar. Some waning guitar fades that remind me of Pink Floyd's Echoes or Meddle. It's that waxing/waning space sound that is covered by easy guitar twangs. The Pink Floyd influence here seems pretty strong. This track feels like the albums attempt to slow you down after fury of the first two songs. If that's the song's task, it does it's job. Not unpleasant.

Bound : Picking guitar intro. Lightly though - there's not a sharp pick here - probably more of a soft touch. Then a nice transition from the high strings to a bell-like sound and our drum softly enters. Oh nice.. the drum is a herald for the movement into some synth type of sounds. The drum is such a nice moving compliment to the twinkling lights. Just like that, I've been walked into a wall of sound. I can still hear the twinkling underneath and then.. as sudden as the wall appeared it has been removed. Just the twinkling. Wow, it's back. These transitions are excellent. Somewhat abrupt, but I feel guided into the transitions so that it's not out of place. Really nice loops.

And Boundless : Tricky movement between songs. I happened to glace down after a change in tone and noticed the song change. Otherwise, it might slip by. This is much harder and droning sound. Up tempo with short loops. There's so much that can be accomplished in these transitions and the band is coaxing every bit of attention out of me. This song rolls right along. I need to listen to these two tracks (Bound - And Boundless) in isolation and then again together, I think. There's a movement in And Boundless from the beginning to end that sounded like something from Bound, but I need to go back over it. Alas, that's not the way of a live review. For now, I am intrigued by the connection of these two songs that I want to spend more time listening here.

|| pause in the action ||

Her Eyes On The Horizon :  This track is a tumble. The sounds are falling and rolling over each other, but in a good way. The ebb and flow of the song is really smooth. I don't really feel like any of the sounds are out of place or are introduced for no reason. Usually, I can get a stronger understanding of the song on instrumental tracks after a few solid listens, but we don't have that luxury here. Off the cuff, I can see why this track appears after the two previous songs. It's good, but didn't grab me like the previous tracks. That could be because of the pause, but I'm not sure.

As Far As The Eye Can See : Hot dog. Oh this is some sexy sound building. The far away talking guitar and a close up. This song feels like they are playing with aperture through sound. Which makes sense given the title of the song. I dig it when a song title really seems to fit, and this one does. There's movement all over the place with the guitar, but it's not overwhelming. It's just a guide. The guitar is taking you through each section with some foundation. Other than the drums, it's unified this track so far. What a song. I don't know how they edit this stuff, but this is beautifully executed. What a great track. Might be up there with Horripilation for top track on the album so far.

Shlomo's Son : Solo piano with a guitar string slap to start. On an album like this, a stripped down sound of a piano can really feel intimate. This is so sparse compared to the other tracks. There's a wispy sound that must be a violin, but is close to a theremin, but not quite a singing saw. Whatever it is, it's working for me. The slow tempo, piano, and wispy whine of drawn out sound really begs you to slow it down for a moment. An odd ending though. Some glitchy hiccups to close.

Return, Return Again : Two electric guitars working out. A nice rhythm is establish and you can feel the break coming. There it is, but gone almost immediately. There's some left overs and it trims down. That had to be an introduction. Pairing down and boom. Yep, this is a solid closing track. This song feels like closing up shop. They are walking down sounds, but putting a lot of the album's work on display. The technical proficiency here from both the musical and editing standpoint has to be pretty damn good here. I don't know anything about how to do either of those things, but I do know that not many albums pull this kind of thing off well.

All in all, I give this a 4.75 posts out of 5.38 rocks. Really liked the first time through. I'm going to roll it back through right now.

Ulrika Spacek - Modern English Decoration (2017 Full Album Leak Download SO MANY PEDALS)

I realized I was saying “I don’t know anything about this…” at the start of every review and that’s ridiculous.

https://ulrikaspacek.bandcamp.com/album/modern-english-decoration-2 

(follow-up warning - the album description on the Bandcamp page is about as pretentious as it gets)

Mimi Pretend

I like this Cure nice-goth from the early 80s guitar sound. They’re singing through a Strokes megaphone, but softly. Repetitive snare hits and strumming the same two notes over and over – so far so good.

Silvertonic

I dig that reverb (I always will) but the vocals are a little moribund. Like a British sketch comedy making fun of goths without having ever actually interacted with a goth kind of moribund. Somehow the song gets way more sparse by the last half. I don’t think I like this one but now I’m pretty sure I listened to it twice by mistake.

Dead Museum

Sparse might be the name of the game here. I don’t actually have a problem with that but two things are pulling me out of the minute-plus intro – the fact that someone is sporadically laughing loudly next to me and the intensity of the snare drum. I don’t usually keep my music volume too loud but maybe now is the time. VOLUME UP BEEP That’s better. The snare fades into the mix once the nice fuzzy guitar starts. This is definitely more my speed than the last song. I wish it built a little more so the distortion was coming in waves by the end (like Th Faith Healers) but it’s still OK. I don’t like the whammy bar outro though.

Ziggy

Better be about Bowie. I don’t know how it couldn’t be. Here comes that bastard snare drum. There was a nice echoing vocal effect and now all I can hear is the stupid snare. About 90 seconds in all the fuzz goes away and it actually works really well. Even though pretty much nothing new happened in the last four minutes of the song I really enjoyed it.

Everything, All The Time

This one’s a little more rock-like. In a bad way. They used the distortion cutting out trick again and it didn’t work as well this time. I hate this snare drum so much. This song wasn’t good.

Modern English Decoration

This is where this band seems to be at their best. Mild and repetitive, not trying too hard. This song sounds like old Dandy Warhols with the complex layering removed. Not bad at all. The cutting in and out of the distortion and fuzz effect can get a little irritating because it’s not done with a lot of finesse but I could definitely listen to this song again.

Full Of Men

I’m kind of feeling like this has just been the same three songs repeating, which isn’t impossible considering one of them repeated without me realizing it earlier. This one is back to snare central and 5,000 different guitar pedals changing in and out with no real reason. This song is a total mess and that SNARE IS STIL TAP TAP TAPPING.

Saw A Habit Forming

They’re definitely better when they just find something that works pretty well and repeat it for five minutes. I can’t hear a single word being sung but that’s fine. If their strength was in the lyrics they probably would have pushed them to the forefront a little more.

Victorian Acid

That underwater effect on the vocals is ridiculous. It belongs in The Incredible Mr. Limpet, not a shoegaze song. As much as I hate the snare drum on this album, I think it’s greatest failing is the fact that they have 50 different effects and can’t stop themselves from using them all on every single song. I can’t even hear the rest of the song because of the burbling sounds of the little mermaid’s backup choir.

Protestant Work Slump

That is a super loud and clear guitar after the last song where the guitar was strangled by an octopus and then buried at the bottom of the sea. Thankfully, this final song seems to be more in line with the songs from the album I’ve liked better. I’m not going to go with “best” because there’s a crummy interlude with warbling high-pitched vocals and a ton of snare drum. There’s more groove than not and those are the times when I can ignore the snare drum most. I wonder if I would have liked this album better if it had been mixed differently. I’ll never know.

Rating: Three vicious snare drum taps out of five. Completely middle-of the road if you like repetitive fuzz (and I do). If you don’t like it than you’ll hate this album but then you’d hate anything that sounds like this so why are you even asking? Idiot.

Download links:

MediaFire

Google Drive

alt-J - Relaxer (2017 Full Album MP3 Download Leak With Water Sounds)

I’m unreasonably excited for this album so it can only fail in my eyes and ears.

https://soundcloud.com/alt-j

3WW

One heck of an instrumental intro. I kind of miss having a full track instrumental intro but this is good enough. Old-timey voice is maybe not my favorite. OK sure, they’re British but I’ve listened to a LOT of alt-J so it’s a little hard to believe some just developed this massive accent. AH…there we go. Two and a half minutes before we get to the voice I know and love. That slight rasp/break in his voice is so great. The shift at three and a half minutes is great. Distortion without being distorted. There are so many voices in this song though. I’m hoping they call come together. OK, there they did it a bit with the nice “I just want to love you in my own language”. Water noises on songs is the new hot thing this year.

In Cold Blood

There’s no way to listen to this without thinking of Flight Of The Conchords but that’s not the worst musical reference. I don’t know if I’m supposed to think of the humans being dead or not right now. The song itself is strong, at least all the parts are. Halfway through this song and it’s also pretty disjointed like the first one. There are elements of funk and soul hidden throughout but unlike some of the songs from the last album they’re not obvious copies. I appreciate that. I still wish the song (album?) would pick a groove and stick to it. I’ll always enjoy it when someone shout-sings “LA LA LA LA LA” and there’s a lot of that here. The build of both songs has been really great.

House of The Rising Sun

The original song by this name is one of my all-time favorite songs for no reason that I can articulate. It’s just a monster of a song that cuts you in half and makes you watch as it dances around in the resulting gore. So there, I lied. I articulated it. Sometimes alt-J songs sound a little like a bunch of guys hanging around fiddling with instruments and someone accidentally hit “Record”. When it works it’s amazing but if it’s too obvious it can be annoying. There’s a little of the annoying in here but I’ll wait it out. I like guitar string scraping a lot but this song is mostly dinking around with neat sounds but it’s just not coming together for me. I checked out for a minute there. Yeah, it never came together. A real missed opportunity.

Hit Me Like That Snare

Those are some jungle yelps at the start there. This is very 60s garage rock, which is fine with me but I feel like I’m doing a lot of that qualifying so far. Way too much distortion on his voice and STILL nothing to bob my head to. I have no idea what he’s trying to do with the vocals. It’s not quite a snarl or a sneer and the stupid distortion is awful. Now some woman is speaking Japanese and/or nonsense at me and the yelps are back. The last song was disappointing but this one is just annoying. I told myself not to hold this to the standard of their first album (not much can meet that standard) but bleh bleh bleh. Oh good, shouted group profanity. I hate this song so much.

Deadcrush

Is every song going to be a different musical genre, just with a weird filter over the top? This is like late-90s goth techno or some crap. I’m trying so hard not to be angry and write off the rest of this album. What’s most irritating is that there are some absolutely wonderful parts hidden in the last few songs TIME TO SING IN HIGH VOICE but they’re not cohesive enough for me to really spend any time on and instead I’m hearing the production tricks. MORE HIGH VOICE The second high voice isn’t as goofy as the first one. For all my complaining, at least this song hits a decent groove in a few spots. I could really do without the spoken-word sample though.

Adeline

I’m writing this before I’ve heard anything to say that Adeline is a fantastic name. I think I had a distant relative named Adeline who was probably a lesbian farmer way before it was cool. I’m ready to go to the hundred-year-old hip lesbian farm with this song. The finger-picking is nice, and a minute in no one has sworn at me and the distortion effects are politely hidden in the corners of the song, only peeking out at appropriate times. I didn’t write anything for the last minute because MAN I really like this song. Even if they’re mostly repeating the same sequences, they’re great sequences and they’re all layering and building on each other. Why couldn’t the whole album have been like this? “And the old triangle went jingle-jangle” manages to make me think of the amazing first alt-J album AND Nick Cave all at once. This song is so great that all the other songs probably did stupid tricks that sound bad just to try to impress this one.

Last Year

The song length is going up and I take that as a good sign. This song opens with whispery vocals and light guitar strumming. No way this one doesn’t build to something too. Let’s just hope it’s on par (or even remotely close) to the last song. OK, so the build-up is not huge but I appreciate the subtlety and being so stripped down is nice. Not just after the last song but also after the mess of songs three and four. Having two crap songs on an eight-song album is kind of rough. The female vocalist is a nice touch.

Pleader

The intro is making me think of a European art cartoon. An Euroartoon, if you will. And you will. Because there are no words so all you can think about are slightly distorted human figures swaying lightly as they hike through a stylized village. WORDS! This goes back to some of the old-timey themes that popped up in some of the other songs. STOP STOPPING! More disjointed pieces that are pulling me out. The ominous piano is fun but now it stopped again. I’m being jerked around by the renaissance fair rave. There are some really beautiful parts to this and it’s a nice way to close out the album. I just wish that (1) the album had more of consistent themes that this was tying together and (2) that it didn’t spend the first half of the song starting and stopping. I feel like they couldn’t decide how to end the song so they went with the safe option.

Rating: Four giant laser-emitting turkey legs out of five. 25% of the album is unlistenable but there are some real high points.

Download links:

Medieval Times Dinner and Tournament Full Album Leak Server

Omerta.is

Wheeler Walker Jr - Ol' Wheeler (2017)




I don't know why we're reviewing this, but maybe it's to prove that we're above NOTHING. Hell, maybe Nickelback is next. You just never know what's going to happen at the ol' paperstreekleakco.

Okay. track 1. Saddle up.

1) Pussy King. Wow. Yea, if I'm putting this album together, I think.. Yep - this is our lead track. Do it. He doesn't want anyone to have any misconceptions about his sexuality. He's totally straight. You can't be anything but straight if you are the Pussy King. This isn't a metaphor. He refers to himself as the Pussy King. After this song, I'm 100% convinced that he's totally, mostly straight.

2) Fuckin' Around. A song about cheating, but both parties are cheating. They are "coming clean" on how many people they were fuckin' around with. Apparently, it hurts both parties, but it's hard to say because it sounds like everyone is gloating about how much action they are getting. One thing is for sure, this lady had no idea she was matched up against the Pussy King. She should have listened to track 1 before she decided to try to run numbers. They are making up at the end, but he's a sucker. I mean.. this time they are totally committed.

3) Puss In Boots. I have no way of knowing, but I think that Walker's adaptation of the may not have ever read the tale. I'm 95% certain that he hasn't even seen the animated kids film. I hope he hasn't. I can't imagine him in a situation where he's watching a kids type of film. Oh man, I'm having a revelation. I think this Wheeler Walker Jr guy might be country music's answer to Stitches the rapper dude.

  - Yea, that's Stitches. I think he started rapping because he had a lot of free time on his hands. Maybe Walker got into singing country because he had a lot of time on his hands.
We're going to run with this for now. Basically, Stitches = Wheeler = Stitches. Two sides of the same coin. Come to think of it, I have never seen Stitches and Wheeler in the same place at the same time. We have to consider the possibility that they are one and the same.

4) Finger Up My Butt. This sing-songy song about convincing a proper lady to place her finger in the asshole of the Pussy King is a refined and delicate song with the subtle yearning for a lifelong love. Alternately, it could be a 1 minutes "song" that sounds like a rip off of a Tenacious D song set to country music and a Frank Zappa deep voiceover, but with the execution of a newborn attempting to figure out how to fit shapes into their corresponding holes.

5) Summers in Kentucky. Okay, so here's a song that starts out like a classic country coming of age song. Nostalgic about trying to hook up with a girl when he was 16. No biggy. I think this is the first song where you really get the flavor of Wheeler's voice. His voice has a little drawl, but there's an odd drop sound to it - as though it was thin. When he says lives have "channnnged" and "off-staaage".. it's weird. I don't know if it's contrived, enunciated oddly, or completely fake. I mean everything about this guy seems fake to me, but I don't know enough about the southern accents to say for sure. Way.. 20 years later.. he's 36 half is age... 18... So he's hooking up with 18 year olds on the road. I hope he's checking ID. Anyway... now that this girl is older and has kids and her vagina is all worn out - he thinks they have a shot at making it work out. The romance is legit. Also, this is the most country-ish sounding song if you stripped out the dumb lyrics, his fake voice, and general outlook on life.

----------------Intermission----------------- I went to get coffee. So. Once more into the breach.

6) Drunk Sluts. Twangy guitar. Okay. this guy's voice is completely fake. This song confirms it for me. His voice sounds like he loses control of his accent. The one he's trying to portray. He's upset because ladies want the DJ and not the singer, which is different than basically everything he's said before. I mean, you don't become the Pussy King if you're losing out to the DJ. What kind of a scam is Wheeler running here? He's not fooling anyone. Not with this Pussy-King-losing-to-the-DJ scheme and not with his fake-as-the-fake-tits voice he's peddling.

7) Ain't Got Enough Dick To Go Around. Okay, basically... he gets dumped and now he's the hottest hot dog in town. So.. showed her what's what. Shouldn't have left him because he's a ho-runner now. There's something fundamentally wrong with the argument here. She doesn't like you, so she dumps you. She's going to be sorry because now you're super cool in the town (population 428). Basically, the only non-geriatric dude around. So, pretty high bar. AND THERE IT IS.. He's talking about dude's blowing him. I KNEW IT. I'm pretty sure that's what he said. The Pussy King is a facade! This guys is a fraud! Now, he needs to just celebrate it instead of hiding behind this fake voice and weird beard.

8) If my Dick is Up, Why Am I Down? How.. how do you make an album with such a narrow focus. This is an ode to Wheeler's junk. I mean, it's every song. 8 songs completely dedicated to his dong. There is no way this is real. He has to be a joking joker. Okay it's a joke thing. 16 year old kid... he's riding along with his pops and he's upset that his ol' dad only listens to country. So, he convinces ol' dad to put on some "country" music. He throws this on and BOOM. He tricked the ol' man into listening to some crass country-ish music. He doesn't realize that he played himself. He now has to listen to this crap for... however many songs there are on this never-ending ode to Wheeler's dick.

9) Small Town Saturday Night. Okay. this is insane. This song is about the solitude of a small town on a Saturday night as a backdrop to the unifying idea that it's not unlike that of being alone in a big city. As though the loneliness unifies people of different backgrounds and places. The soft voice feels intimate and genuine as though Wheeler was both paying homage to the artists from before and setting the foundation for the artist that he's trying to become. Nah.. not really. This song is about his dick in a small town on a Saturday night. That's it. That's the substance. You can fill it with cliches after that and boom - there's your song.

10) Pictures On My Phone. Based on the title alone - I'm certain we are going to enter the pedo journey of Wheeler's life. He's going to talk about how he's the victim here. Oh wait.. It's about how phones have made getting nudes on the phone and computer. Here's a surprise, he doesn't like it and prefers the real thing... But he'll take what he can get. Again, I say to you this man is totally straight. Are you convinced? He's mostly convinced, but it's imperative that you are convinced. I don't really know if he likes phone nudes or not now. I cannot tell. I think Wheeler is wailing against his love/hate relationship with phone/computer nudes.

11) Poon. Chorus - "give me that poon, give me that poon." I don't know what to write about this song. I mean. It's the last track on here. I think he just asked Keith Urban for some poon. It's hard to say. Does Keith Urban peddle poon to Wheeler? This might be the most Stichers-esque song on the album.

Final Thoughts. Rating this album is tough. On a scale of one to ten, I'd give it a flaccid three. Sure, he stays in character (because there's no way this jackass is real), but it lacks the climax that we all yearn for.

Also.. apparently this is the cover to his first album.

Wheeler Walker Jr. - Ol' Wheeler (2017 Full Country Album Leak 320 MP3 RAR Dick Joke Deluxe)

I don't know what this is. From the cover I’m assuming it’s a Christian album.

https://soundcloud.com/wheelerwalkerjr

Pussy King

I feel uncomfortable just typing this song title. This is as good as I expected so far. I think every third word refers to his genitals, which is as it should be. WOW he hit racism, sexism, and religious intolerance within the first minute. I think he could have done ever more if he dispensed with the intro of Kid Rock mumbling. Jesus…I can’t comment on the music yet because I’m kind of uneasy even listening to this at work. “All the panties drop down whenever I sing…” Is this accurate? It would actually be sort of hard to perform a concert with this going on. HAHAHA Wow there is a robust chorus of soul-singing women backing him up for the last minute. The music for this song is standard modern country. The music is not the important part.

Fuckin’ Around

This is much more laid-back. It probably won’t be offensive. Hey, it’s a male/female duet. Probably an intimate love song. Oh yes, definitely. I’m going to spoil the ending and let you know that it’s kind of an O Henry story about two sleazy cheaters bonded by their infidelity. The song is actually pretty catchy, but I suspect I’m overly receptive to anything vaguely musical after the first song. This is a “list” comedy song, which I think is a comedy music cop-out but whatever…as the Pussy King I don’t think Mr. Walker Jr. is concerned with something as inconsequential as artistic criticism.

Puss In Boots

Must be a song about a cat. AGH Even though I know exactly what’s coming with every single joke he still manages to make me cringe. There is an awful lot of tongue/butthole talk already and we’re only 2 ½ songs in. I’m already becoming numb but I think this is the most crass song yet. Still reasonably catchy though. There’s nothing remarkable about the music but I think he just took the house band from the local honky talk and walked them down to the STD clinic for a performance. “I like my puss in booo-ooo-ooots”

Finger Up My Butt

I’m sure I’m going to accidentally type something about this album in a work email and then I’m done for. There’s a silly deep-voiced man reinforcing every offensive line in the song and it’s making me chuckle every time. But then I feel awful. “Be a good boy and clean out yer butthole” is solid advice. This song is probably meant to be paired with Del Tha Funkee Homosapien’s “If You Must”.

That was a short song, but to the point. Butt to the pointer. Pointer to the butt. I’m really getting into the spirit here.

Summers In Kentucky

This is…sentimental? I’m just waiting for the punchline, but if he plays this song about remembered young love straight this will be my album of the year. Four songs about anal fingering and then sweet love and- NOPE. Never mind. He managed to get to stretched-out genitals by 80 seconds in. Still fairly sentimental though, if you think “leave your husband and ride on my tour bus even though I just called you used-up” is sentimental.

Drunk Sluts

From the title and intro bars this is probably another sweet song. It must be intended to go with "Drunk Girls" by LCD Soundsystem. If I was more ambitious I'd find a sister song for every track on this album but then Wheeler Walker Jr. would probably stick his penis in each of them because that's what the Pussy King does to sisters.

This album is really flying by, which is more than I can say for some of the other mystery albums I’ve listened to recently. Even though this song is horribly offensive, the album has really moved (slightly) away from the overtly crass first four songs. There’s still plenty of time to bring it back home. Huge creepy old man vibe coming on strong as this song builds. I’m really not sure what the message of the song is, which is shame on me because it’s not like there’s a lot of subtext to this writing. I’d like to think he wrote this album sequentially and once he did the last song got stuck in a depressed drunk rut thinking about how old and gross he is. Looking at the next song’s title I can’t imagine that’s accurate though. I have to say, if I tuned out the words this is probably something I could stand to have on in the background. Around women and children, obviously.

Ain’t Got Enough Dick To Go Around

A breakup revenge song with steel guitar. What more || let me start this over and see if I still feel like I couldn’t ask for anything more. Yep, still do. I’ve actually known quite a few people who have described themselves as “the hottest shit in town” so this song means a lot to me. Of course, only one of them can actually be the hottest shit in town because that’s a Highlander situation right there. There’s a very specific kind of sword used to determine THE ONE though so I’ve always left it to them to hash out. Haha…I enjoyed the guitar lead-out followed by the commentary about the guitar.

If My Dick Is Up, Why Am I Down

This might have the best opening line yet. “Girls I used to jack off to when I skipped class are now hittin’ me up for a backstage pass”. This is another sentimental song. As this trash goes on I’m more and more impressed with the various guitarists. Yeah, it’s probably standard session work for “generic country” but I don’t listen to a lot of that so I’m getting a kick out of all the different tones and the various melodies/solos. The “joke” of this song is pretty weak and all in all it feels a little half-hearted so I’m left only semi-excited. That’s a dick joke. A flaccid one.

Small Town Saturday Night

What a catchy number! And JESUS so crass right out of the gate. This song almost could have fit on a normal (non-filthy) album as the joke track at the end. As it stands, all the butt-fingering genital-stroking talk is starting to blend together. Although I am a little curious about a line toward the end of this song because I think he just said that a truck full of men were satisfying each other manually. I’m not going to go back and look it up to confirm though.

Pictures On My Phone

Another flashback song. This one is about masturbating to dirty magazines as a kid as compared to the modern world of…sexting? HAHA I know what he meant by “send me pictures of your pussy on the phone” but the way he says it makes me think of a cartoon vagina holding a cell phone up to its little clitoris-shaped ear talking to its sister who lives in the big city now. Good God…what is this album doing to me that I live in a world of talking genitals now.

Poon

Well this song sure cuts right to the chase. It’s a nice, dark, reverb-drenched melody with every single line punctuated by the title of the song. “Hey Garth Brooks whatcha eatin’”? I guess this follows the country music tradition of naming off as many fellow country musicians as you can in tribute? I dig the reverb though and my head is bobbing to the beat. Whoo…the I GOT THE POOOOOO-OON yodeling finale is amazing. This is the best Christian music album I’ve ever heard.

Rating: Six genital references out of five for being exactly what I had hoped for. One tiny penis out of five for something a human would actually ever listen to though.

Download links:

Poonload

Dickyshare