It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like...NOTHING - A Very Special Live Review of Anal Trump "Make America Say Merry Christmas Again" (320 mp3 album leak)

Welcome to a very special holiday edition of a Paper St. Leak Co. live review. It’s very special, and for a holiday. The holiday is Trumpmas. You can tell because of the Trump.

https://analtrump.bandcamp.com/album/make-america-say-merry-christmas-again-2

1. Make America Say Merry Christmas Again

Wowthatwasfast. Did he say “cursed”? Cursed by poor editing and a short song, amIright?

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I have to pause just to have enough time to type eight words. And remember that we’re going to watch Elf on Tuesday.

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2. Baby, It’s Cold Outside

This song should be longer. I want to know if that’s a burp or a guttural METAL GROWL

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3. Jingle Pence

I think this was the same as the last song. I can’t tell and now it won’t let me go back.

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4. It’s Always A White Christmas For Jeff Sessions

Hey! It’s like a real son- nope. It’s over. This is going too fast.

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5. The Bible Is My Favorite Book

AT LEAST PLAY THE WHOLE QUOTE ABOUT MERRY CHRISTMAS This album’s gimmick may not be the gimmick for me.

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6. Santa Is Real But Climate Change Is A Hoax

OK, come on now. They must be actually playing more of a song and then poorly editing it down to two seconds. BUT WHY?

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7. Is Alex Jones Doing Sandy Hook Clause Again This Year

This one is practically a ballad at all of three seconds and five bars. It’s so weird to be saying “it’s not long enough”. I have no idea what’s happening and not even in the entertaining Brontosaurus Rex kind of way.

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8. Where’s My Parade?

I cheated and listened to this twice by mistake because pausing a four-second song is pretty hard. I still didn’t hear enough to comment.

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9. Tic Tacks And Mistletoe

At least they played the whole quote! I’ve almost heard enough vocals across the album to equate to like one line of music in a non-Trumpcore song. I’m not sure yet, but I think it’s actually a Muppets album. And not Animal either – this is what Rolf sounds like when he’s not shackled by that stupid piano.

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10. Carol Of The Pence

THIRTEEN SECONDS OH MY GOD This song is a masterpiece, but only by comparison to the others. Was this album an artistic statement? Political commentary? An accident in poor editing and uploading? I’m sad that I can’t really say anything beyond “I can’t wait for the extended edition remaster”.

Final Rating: .6 incomplete songs out of 10. Well this was a terrible disappointment. It took more time for me to type this live review than it did to actually listen to the album, which must be some kind of terrible record. I’m not saying I wouldn’t ever listen to Trumpcore again, but if it’s all like this I could listen to everything in the microgenre in less than half an hour and still be hungry for more. That’s all I feel right now. Trumpcore hunger.

Christmas Music Sucks. So here's a live review.

Fair play: I hate Christmas music. I can't think of a Christmas album that I have ever liked. I don't like Christmas movies. I don't like putting up decorations. I hate receiving gifts. I hate the consumerism of this time of the year.

When reviewing Anal Trump's masterpiece "Make America Say Merry Christmas Again!", I was pleasantly surprised by the scope and depth...

The whole album is comprised of 1-10 second songs that are loud noise rifts or recordings of Trump saying something something something.

The real story of the album are the track titles. My favoirtes include: It's Always a White Christmas for Jeff Sessions, Santa is Real, But Climate Change is a Hoax, and Is Alex Jones Doing Sandy Hook Clause Again This Year.

While it's unlikely that we'll hear this holiday cheer on the airwaves, many people will be carrying this spirit throughout the holidays.

Overall, I'd give this album 2 Robert Muellers out of a possible 11 counts of Treason.

The National - Sleep Well Beast 2017

The National - Sleep Well Beast 2017

This album leak reminds me that I need to watch the Mistaken for Strangers documentary. I remember watching the trailer for it, and thought it was interesting enough to take a look at. I just haven't gotten around to it. So maybe it was good enough in preview, but whenever I have the choice, i always choose something else. There aren't many music documentary films that I've really enjoyed. I liked This is Spinal Tap, of course... but.. not sure if that counts. Also Popstar. Hmmm. Maybe I shouldn't watch Mistaken for Strangers. Wait! I really enjoyed I am Trying To Break Your Heart doc about Wilco. I don't think Mistaken for Strangers is really a music documentary though. More about brotherly relationships or something. Hell, I have a brother - so basically the same thing.

The National really blew my mind with High Violet. Also, I really love the song Tin Man by Future Islands. I only bring that up because I often confuse Future Islands with The National. This is all important information to know prior to the live review. Saddle up folks, it's time to press play.

1) nobody else will be there : Ah yea. Okay - it's so relaxed. Songs that build with beat and piano are awesome. They let the voice come in so cleanly. I appreciate that sort of thing because it draws attention to the lyrics and singing. Yea, okay - so, I think the reason I confuse Future Islands and The National is because the voices can be similar as long as the Future Islands singer doesn't do the monster voice (which I love). This is a nice gentle song to ease me into the album - that said, if the whole album is like this, then I'll be asleep in a couple songs or I'll be marveling at how amazing the lyrics are. The lyrics in this song are meh, but let's give it a shot. It's wild - okay, this dude is singing about sticking his neck out and was expecting someone to be there to back his play, but "nobody else will be there". I don't know... if you are sticking your neck out to do something crazy, can you really expect someone to always back your play? If they don't, are they betraying you? The True Believer type might say - yea... of course, you do it no matter what because the relationship is more imporant.... gah. song over.

2) day i die : Where will we be on the day I die? For me, I'm hoping to be lost at sea. I've never sailed a day in my life and my direction sense is beyond poor, so getting lost at sea should be pretty easy. Okay, gotta give me something more than repeating "the day I die, the day I die - where will we be?" I'm really starting to hate this song. I think he wrote one line (which isn't that good or profound) and tried to force a song around it. His voice just wants to be intimate and the squealy guitars try to set an edge... and then.. hell I don't know. Not a fan.

3) walk it back : I bet the singer loves the sound of his own voice. Who does that? I hate the sound of my own voice if I hear it. FUUUUUUUUUCK Stop repeating lines like that over and over. walk it back walk it back walk it back walkitb back walkbackit walkybackyity. wolakdlfkasdlkfajsdhfbackalsdf. Nothing I change changes anythings/I won't let it : here's an idea.. if letting it means you stop saying walk it back walk it back walk it back over and over, then change it. do it now.

4) the system only dreams : Whoa - okay this is the High Violet sound. I wonder if this is a holdover from High Violet. I love it when artists evolve beyond a previous album, but that said - I really love this sound. Bonus here is that there isn't any repeating phrases so far. The guitar chiming in at random intervals could... be gone and this would be really intriguing. That's just a minor gripe though - okay wait, they build it into a guitar solo  - I guess it was there just to make an easy transition into a relatively unimpressive (yea, I don't play guitar) solo. Wait.. that's.. that's how you want to end it. Suddenly, I'm reminded of Mistaken for Strangers.

5) born to beg : Annnnnnd we appear to be back to repeating phrases over and over. something something tea kettle something born to beg. born to beg. Gah! I like the sounds and music, but tea kettle begging isn't really cutting it here.

6) turtleneck : electric guitar and a menacing sound to the beat? check. We're upbeat now. He's not talking about an actual turtle neck shirt though - he's talking about - well, it's not a literal turtle's neck. I'm ... not .. sure what is happening. It's turtles.. All I know is that we have to get the turtle neck. get it.

7) empire line : This is so much better than the last song, but still sounds like a B side from High Violet. There's not much more to comment on - lyrically, it's not really all that interesting, but at least it's not something repetitive. Oooo - it's almost a theremin sound, but it's not that. Something else. Damn, now I'm not sure - is it a theremin? I can't tell for sure. I'll have to look it up later. I just assumed it was a string instrument at first, but I'm not sure.

i'll still destroy you : This song started out okay, but halfway through I really started digging it. Now, I really can't wait to listen to it again. Put your heels against the wall/seems like you are a little taller/ i will still destroy you. I really like that sequence and the delivery is really well done. Wait. why are we in a drum thing. Hmm not sure about the end, but it might work. Really liking this song. Going to listen to this again after the review.

guilty party : The piano work for The National is really solid. I like how they use the piano to set up an easy lead into a vocal thread, then transition that into a different direction. I think it's accompanied by a clarinet or something here. Really working together here. It's a complimentary piece to the music and it's providing depth to the lyrics instead of competing to be heard. The song before and this song might be the best parts of the album that aren't cut High Violet songs. Still a few songs to go, but I think we're in the meat of the album. Basically it's meh before turtleneck, then turtleneck... and now we're into something different.

carin at the liquor store : Piano lead. yea, I wouldn't mind if they did most of their stuff this way. Most songs end up different, but it's such a great foundational way to start. I probably would get annoyed after a while, but it feels like a great opening sequence that is limitless. Annnnd I'm 99% sure he just mentioned John Cheever, but not completely sure. Seems somewhat out of place, but maybe he had just got done reading some short stories. Space guitar! Yea, I really like piano/space guitar. Weeeeeeeeee!

dark side of the gym : I mean.. you know you're fucking around when you replace "moon" with "gym", I guess. But why? I can't tell if this is a grown up gym or a high school gym and the narrarator is a creepy gym teacher obsessing over an adoring student. Which... is worse. There's a juvenile quality to the music that keeps me thinking about a gym class thing. I would think it's just teenage love, but what kid is so confident that they can say "I'm going to keep you in love with me for a while". Maybe they exist... but if they do, I don't want to meet them. It's sounds predatory... but maybe it's just a gym - gym type of gym. Gah! who knows. now it's crazy. I don't know what the hell is happening.

sleep well beast : Seems pretty rare to see a title song appear so late. Always makes me feel like they really liked the phrase, but couldn't get a legit song around it. So far... that's exactly what's happening here. we're back to repeating shit... and kinda mumbling. Nothing says I'm confident in this song like repetitive mumbling. It's really a long song. I feel like it's a background song. Mostly because I was listening to it in the background. It does have a nice fade though. Not all that exciting. I'll stand by my original assessment of the song.

Welp, some good, some not as good. Turtleneck was a real low point for me. I'll probably hear it a few more times, get irritated, and forward to the good part of the album. It's unlikely that it will ever grow on me. I think it would be fun to figure out where The System Only Dreams should fit in High Violet... so that might be my takeaway.

Overall, I'd say 4.25 turtles out of 6.15. Pretty strong delivery.

The National - Sleep Well Beast (2017 Full Album Leak Download 320 MP3)

Oh my god…it’s been so long since I reviewed an album I was actually interested in. The last The National album (or should that be “the last album by the The National”?) was good but didn’t hit me the way High Violet did. I ended up really liking the El Vy album. I know nothing about this new one because I refuse to turn away from the shadows on the wall of my cave.

Go, go, go, The National!

1.       Nobody Else Will Be There

I had to check to make sure it was actually playing. That’s a gentle slope getting to the actual music. This is a great song title when paired with the album cover and a pretty solid name for an opening song. “Hope you didn’t want to share this experience with anyone!”. The staticky beat sounds like when a record ends and clicks and pops to a rhythym. I don’t like the affected slurring in the third verse when he says “why are we still out here/holding our coats”. I want him to mumble a little better. I’m not sure what this song is about because it’s mostly just the title repeated over and over but I’m good with that. The lyrics I’ve picked out aren’t fantastic but the title is so I’m going to say this works well – short piano riffs, static pop beat, and a clever phrase on repeat. It’s every artsy downtempo act on Ninja Tune! I like it.

2.       Day I Die

That’s some frantic drumming! I thought it was electronic at first but I don’t think The National does that. Another good title. Not great, but it certainly sets the mood along with the album title and the last song and the opening lines are so great/harsh/real I had to look them up to be sure: “I don't need you, I don't need you/Besides I barely ever see you anymore/And when I do it feels like you're only halfway there”. I don’t love the 90210 theme electric guitar accents at the end of some of the verses and the lyrics are losing me. They actually seem a little trite or obvious or literal or something that’s not the poetry I want to follow the opening lines. Still, they have a good formula that still works of building up to being able to say their song titles over and over and this is no exception.

3.       Walk It Back

A talking any synthesizer intro, and here come the The National echoing rhythm elements. His vocals sound strained on this song so far but mostly I’m thinking about how many different ways I can say “the The National”. Maybe it’s that the vocals are too clear and underproduced. I don’t want to hear the saliva film and then divide at the back of his throat between words. OH JESUS, IT’S AN EXCERPT FROM A DOCUMENTARY OR INTERVIEW Better than an answering machine message, but still among the lowest of the low songwriting crutches. Forget this song. It was kind of dumb before the talking and now I’m tossing it in the gutter alongside the freeway with nothing but a worn blanket and a bottle of brownish water.

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4.       The System Only Dreams In Total Darkness

Well that’s a pretentious song title. It opens with female vocals going “oooh” though so I will excuse it. I’m ready for something else after the last song made me so irritated. This one has lots of heavy/steady low drumming and the melodic accents don’t jump out as much. I’m going out of my way not to listen to the lyrics this time though. I appreciate how this song sounded low and grounded at the start but really soared into the imaginary sky in my head by the end.

5.       Born To Beg

Was there always this much piano in their songs? Probably. For some reason it’s standing out more to me now. This song is slow. It seems like a pretty awesome love song. Wait…what? “New York is older/And changing its skin again”. Who cares about New York? I hate Master of None and Louie and any other crap that celebrates New York for New York’s sake. Why did this good song about people suddenly turn into something about a stupid city? Maybe it’s supposed to be a parallel to a relationship but I don’t get it. New York means nothing to me.

6.       Turtleneck

Huh. I missed the start of this song. It’s really going all out now though. The guitars sound like fighting cats and he is really SINGING SO HARD, MAN. I think songs like this are important to break up the album sometimes but so far this is worse than the song with the talking. Which wasn’t actually all that bad, it just had talking. This song is actually bad. It doesn’t fit with the rest of the album at all and it sounds like they’re playing to a half-filled rodeo at the county fair.

7.       Empire Line

That’s more like it. Back to hollow echoes and thumps. This song is mostly atmosphere and lyrics. I’m really seeing through the lyrics on this album but it annoys me less on this song and the atmosphere is GREAT. Halfway through the beat starts to distort a little and then “I've been talking about you to myself/Cause there's nobody else” hits. Probably my favorite song so far.

8.       I’ll Still Destroy You

This is a …funky…intro. I feel like I’m in a Talking Heads outtake. Did he say he’d destroy me some other time and that’s what the song title means? Or maybe this is about destroying himself. That seems more likely because I’m pretty sure this song is about getting high in various ways because GUESS WHAT LIFE SUCKS AND CONSTANTLY MAKES YOU FEEL BAD SO EVERYONE CRAVES ESCAPE. I appreciate the “molecules and caplets” line because it’s definitely evocative of what it’s trying to be without flat-out saying “Hey, do you remember reading Romeo and Juliet in 9^th grade?”. The opening bars set the wrong tone for me but overall I’m liking this song. Hopefully it eventually sticks the way “Afraid of Everyone” did. I’ll just take the rest of this song to paste the lyrics to the amazing hook from a totally different song:

With my kid on my shoulders I try

Not to hurt anybody I like

But I don't have the drugs to sort

I don't have the drugs to sort it out

9.       Guilty Party

The glitch intro is nice. I have to say, for all my complaining about the lyrics they’re really starting to work in the context of the album. This is no John Darnielle opus, but as brutal and realistic songs about divorce go this is pretty solid. The actual music isn’t much to note but it’s not supposed to be. The bits of strings are nice. Nice strings, good strings. Here’s a treat.

10.   Carin At The Liquor Store

That is NOT how you spell “Karen”. There’s only one way to spell it and every other way is wrong and dumb. Is “hand in glove” a Smiths reference? Sure. Let’s just say it is. This isn’t very Smiths-like though. Oh wait…he’s claiming her name is pronounced “kuh-rinn”. Bull. That’s not a real name, or if it is that’s not how you spell it. The song name coming up when the song started completely obliterated my ability to enjoy this song. Also, I feel like he’s saying “foregone conclusion” over and over to try to sound smart, like Andrew Bird without a violin.

11.   Dark Side of the Gym

No way this isn’t about high school. Yep. Clearly about high school. There’s a 50s doo-wop angle to this but I don’t think he’s that old. Oh well, whatever. This song is kind of a cop-out, but not terrible. I don’t want to know if he married his high school sweetheart because if he did it will totally ruin the song for me. I guess I could slow dance with a teenager to this. If I was also a teenager. Let me make that part clear.

12.   Sleep Well Beast

Back to the glitch robots. They were never in high school. I think the The National goes to a lot more parties than I do, or ever had. This is a solid closer and fits the general theme of the album. Which seems to be about a lifelong relationship and the ups and downs of it. I appreciate that it’s not all new love like most love-related songs are. This isn’t “I broke up with my girlfriend and I’m kinda sad” – it’s “I’ve invested the majority of my adult life in this person and no longer have a sense of self without them”. The actual song itself isn’t the best one though because the robots have a farting interlude halfway through.

Final Rating:

Four and a half imaginary divorces out of five. The last one got back together for the sake of the kids and it ended up all working out. Not the best of the The National’s albums but a strong solid batch of mostly cohesive songs that I will actually listen to again and again instead of just putting High Violet on whenever I see the cover.

Brontosaurus Rex - The Cretaceous

Brontosaurus Rex - The Cretaceous 2017

Yea, I didn't want to spend a lot of time looking for the album cover. I had already spent 40 or so minutes listening to this album. The cost was too high to spend another 30 seconds looking for the actual album cover. All that led to me wonder how far away are we from having a GIF as an album cover? The cost of materials continues to drop. It's a fancy version of a holograph. Maybe a small watch battery and a switch that triggers when you hold the album a certain way to connect the power supply. If CDs don't completely die to the digital age, then hold onto your butts.

--0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-1-0-0-0-0-0-0-00--0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0--0-0-0-0-0

1) Satchel : Did that just say "fuck me in the ass records"? I think so. If not, it should have because that's an amazing name for a label. I'm really confused by what's happening here. This kind of reminds me of the The Spirit of Truth - One Man Show on Youtube. Less about some higher power, unless that higher power is someone's ass.

2) How I Beat Off Shaq : Are we under water or do they just have shitty equipment? I can't tell. The beat is clear - so I assume they were trying to create this sound. But why? Seems like there's almost no confidence in what they are writing. How difficult can it be for what I assume is a debut album? There's a format if you have nothing to say. Boom Boom.

3) A.N.E. : "That Ane, that anus". So wait.. is ANE just short for anus? I can't be certain, but I think that's the maximum amount of subtlety and shorthand for this album. Upside to this song? We've established that the underwater voice is purposefully done because they aren't doing it here. So far, this song is the real message of the album. My ass is never empty. That's what I know.

4) Niggs Hustle : Well, the last song ended abruptly. I thought it would never end. But here we are now. "Niggs Hustle" is about the video game industry and the struggle of the Xbox to crack into the established duopoly between Sega and Nintendo. Maybe. I don't know - I just heard xbox early on and then I heard "Fuck your mom" both of those are linked forever since you hear that a lot on xbox.

5) King Rex : No grease. Fresh meat. Oh yea. Then... an autotuned preacher? I'm 99% sure all of these voices are done by the same person. Just different voice alterations to create the illusion of a group. I think it's just underwater screaming now. Nothing is discernable from anything else.

Unfortunately, I was interrupted for 3 Glucks and Slurpin... but I didn't care enough to want to pause the music. So, I feel like that's been the real gift of the album so far.

8) MM\PP\SS (Remix) : She mentioned "fuck me in the ass records". Wow, so good. I love that label name so much. There's as much ambiguity to that as there is in this album.

9) Cretaceous : honestly, I only heard this as background noise. There's nothing to say about this album. Why was it made? What did I hope to gain? There's no reason. There is no hope. If this is the creativity of the next generation, then we're fucked. I don't think it is because there's evidence of better things, but what if. what if this is the next step in creative output? What if I just don't get it? What if, I am my parents griping about "music today"? This album could be the one that forces me to come to face the idea that I've lost my youthful vigor for life. I'm resigned to the way things were. 

Overall, I'd give this 1 out of 19 Brontosaurs. 

Brontosaurus Rex - The Cretaceous (2017 Full Album Leak Download)

Bandcamp link: You know, even the name of the record label is so obscene that I'm not comfortable pasting it here. Do your own research.

Satchel

I like underwater Darth Vader and his Casio keyboard so far and ….HERE WE GO! I feel like I just got sideswiped by a car covered in marital aids. So far the damage is just superficial but they’re coming back for more and I’m about to require a trip to the dildo dent body shop. I can’t actually understand very much outside of the profanity and now he said “blubleblabubble” HAHAHA followed by something about skills on the mic. I need to turn up the volume to THE MOST. Same body since childhood? Is this Webster? Isn’t Webster dead? Did he just talk about his butthole? This is actually kind of amazing, if amazing means “sounds like the rambling drunk schizo guy who used to stand next to the drinking fountain in the library” only with the word “satchel” a lot. Of course it does.

How I Beat Off Shaq (Takes Two Hands)

This is a slow jam. With probably the best title ever. I had to turn up the volume again and skip back because I can’t hear the amazing lyrics. I’m almost sure he said “smokin’ on that peepee in the Persian Gulf”, which is just so evocative of that time in mylife. “Yo shaq, can I f*** your face?” is actually not the most explicit part of this song. I appreciate how sincere and positive this song is, like remembering a warm spring day lying in the grass with the love of your life. Except with a giant basketball player’s package smacking you in the nose. Beautiful. It’s going to be hard for anything else on the album to top this early climax.

A.N.E

I…don’t know what this person is saying about ¾ of the time and I think even if the distortion on the vocals was gone I still wouldn’t be able to tell. “D*** too tiny for the checkout lane” and “KY jelly rub it on my belly” are good examples of what I can hear. There’s an awful lot of what seem to be gay references working their way through a song about doing…stuff…to women but maybe this dinosaur plays for both teams. I would like to take the time to say that Brontosaurus Rex is a pretty fantastic band name. He just developed a middle eastern accent out of nowhere…right before he pooped on my Porsche. I’m going to spoil the acronym of the title and let you know that A.N.E stands for “a** never empty”. He just pooped on the microphone and told me he breaks toilets. I’d say all this poop assault stuff is a weird thing to juxtapose with the rest of the content of this highly sexy song but three songs in I think it makes perfect sense. Maybe this is the new Kanye under a pseudonym.

Niggs Hustle

This sounds like Gangsta’s Paradise, just about eating McDonalds after attack-pooping all night. “Gonna f*** my PS4 and the XBOX One” WHAT? “Name my son Xanabull?” This string of “words” starting with “xan-“ is impressive…ish. Like Dylan’s Mozambique rhymes but with more child drug addiction and racial slurs. I used to listen to Wesley Willis and think that he was about as nonsensical stream of consciousness as it could get but Brontosaurus Rex is really proving my 15-year-old opinion wrong. There seems to be some real gender confusion happening here too. Who is the core audience for this? I feel like this can’t be a joke. It’s too good.

King Rex

Time for a new beat please. We’re getting into a bit of a rut and now there’s a monster version of the pooping man/woman. I have the volume loud enough that the grunting and groaning has merged with my brain so I am one with the grunt. There’s a new man sing-talking (this is not rapping) and he’s doing his best Kool Keith but with stuttering and halting speech about how he is hunting demons from his brain. He ends his minutes-long ramble with “that’s all that I have” and the monster comes back. WHAT IS HAPPENING? There’s so much yelling with no actual words.

3 Glucks

This might actually be my new favorite song title. The lyrics are getting less and less coherent as we go on. “Go right another article, b****.” He’s talking about Linkin Park and sort of singing old Destiny’s Child songs? And I think he just said “dinosaur pen-iss” and later made some “glucking” sounds that (if I understand his explanation correctly) are due to him “choking on a load”. If I was unsure about the dinosaur’s sexual preferences before this song I…no I’m still unclear even after all the sodomy talk. Good news though – the lines “I will never use the internet because it before my time” and “I ain’t washed my nuts for a decade and they getting’ musty” both appear in this song. I’m uncomfortable with the way the song closes. It appears to be dedicated to NAMBLA. Or against it. I have no idea.

Slurpin

How in the world is this different from the last song? I’m sure there’s some fine distinction to “gluckin’” and “slurpin’” but the noises sound the same to me. If my genitals ever start leaking of their own accord I will now feel comfortable making at least one song about it. Brontosaurus Rex helped me get over that future insecurity. “So many hos gonna need a ho track”. What is a ho track? Do they race like horses or cars? I’d put my money on the shortest one

MM/PP/SS (Remix)

I think the tiny robot voice is from Aqua Teen Hunger force. The Halloween theme is back and deep voice monstersaurus is actually barking at tiny robot. We didn’t get to hear the original MM/PP/SS so I don’t know how this remix is different. This song has the classic butthole/pooping lyrical interplay between tiny robot and unintelligible monster dog that everyone loves from old show tunes. My favorite part of the album is definitely when the deep voice guy just makes sounds instead of words. The completely insane word association games are a close second though, especially when they rhyme “smegma” and “omega”.

Cretaceous

I can’t believe we’re already at the end of our journey together. Muscially this song is pretty much the same as all the rest. Which I’ve talked about basically not at all. High single-note melody, slow bassline, atonal clicking drum machine. There actually seems to be some racism here and I’m afraid to look up more information about this group to be sure. Good news though –racist or not they’re not going to let the album close out without a heck of a lot of talk about anal intrusion. “You got money, I need it, narwhal, make the car haul”. WOW. Brilliant. Well, that’s that. I almost wish the album closed out with more of a bang, or if not a bang then more distorted sound effects of the main dinosaur pretending to choke on bodily fluids.

Final rating: Five brown eyes out of five. This album achieved exactly what it set out to do, which was to transport me into the tortured artistic mind of a semi-gay dinosaur displaced in time. I’m going to listen to it again, but this time while covered in and filled with toy dinosaurs.

Download links:

Are we still doing this bit? I don’t think we are.

tiredoldgag.net

Public Service Broadcasting - Every Valley (2017 Full Album Leak Download 320 MP3)

I am so excited. EXCITED. In all the ways, but especially the way you’re thinking. This album will change my mind, my life, and my mind about life. Let’s drop our voices low and do this.

 Every Valley

That guitar sounds like my neighbor’s car alarm. Uh oh…a fuzzy-sounding recording of someone talking playing underneath. That’s one of my art/music pet peeves. DON’T START AN ALBUM THAT WAY! I like the musical music so far and I’ll tolerate the crunchy guitar in exchange for the shimmery…whatever that is. String? I can’t tell. But dammit do I ever hate recordings of people talking in music, especially if it goes on for longer than a phrase. Drummy drummy, clap clap, hand hand fingers thumb, this is how my monkeys drum. I really like the build and repetition of what’s happening in the last few minutes when the talking finally stops. Budda budda monkey bumps. I read too many children’s books.

The Pit

Is every song going to have this stupid guy talking? Nope, now there’s a different stupid British guy. This one doesn’t sound as old. I would like to request the remix version of this album with the “vocals” removed. The ominous horn things are back and it works. I actually hadn’t seen the name of the song but I felt like I was in a tunnel with lights flashing and flood alarms going off. That’s better than a pit. I will write the band a letter and demand they change the name of this song to “The Tunnel”. The guitar is pretty standard instrumental rock fare but the heavy low drumming really helps to set this apart.

People Will Always Need Coal

I have no nostalgia for the 70s so the fake commercial (or real…who cares) plus the disco boogie guitar do nothing for me. I have no nostalgia for anything. Especially not this old talky British guy. This song is a nice change of pace from the last two though and the drummer is off having bananas with the other monkeys so it feels much lighter. I think the last minute got more 80s than 70s and there are lots of synth notes and snare drums. Is this taking me through a section of musical history or does the band just not know what happened when? STOP TALKING TO ME, OLD MAN

Progress

I hate the way this song starts. It’s like a Bryan Adams song or something dumb, plus that guy is talking. WHOA THERE IS ALMOST REAL SINGING Not very good singing, but pretty real. I could do without all of this song. It feels really amateur and misguided. I love robots but I’ll take Tubeway Army over this every time. And that woman really cannot sing.

Go To The Road

Something tells me they’re sticking with this talking thing. At least it was a woman’s voice to open this song. I just don’t get the fake distorted talking. At all. This song is very, very straightforward outside of the bouncing synth horns or whatever in the background. This is the third song in a row to push me away from what the first two songs did so well. I was ready for a small break from the thumping monkey drummers but this has gone on too long. BRING BACK THE MONKEYS

All Out

GO DISTORTION GUITAR GO Driving snare drum is fine as long as it changes up the dragginess of the last three songs. This still sounds pretty standard “instrumental rock” to me and TIME SIGNATURE CHANGE? YUCK I hate that I have a thing in my head called “standard instrumental rock” but it’s there so deal with it you sexually attractive Public Broadcasting Service. Adding talking over the top isn’t actually changing that you’re just repeating the same three songs over and over that every instrumental rock band has already performed. Please go recapture what you were doing on the first two songs. Those were a lot more “all out” than this song. The only difference here is that there’s some distortion and the last minute is a hollow imitation of mid-90s hard rock.

Turn No More

Ooh…I like the muted drumming to open this song. But I really feel like we’re…Oh my god…what is that singing? I was going to say we were moving into Helmet cover territory but these might be the worst vocals I’ve heard in a long time. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SONG? It feels like it came from a different album. An album that was on cassette in my friend’s trailer in 1992 because his hard rock lesbian mom liked it. This is just awful. I will take talky old man over this. I’m sorry about what I said, old man. Come back and save me from HARD ROCK SINGER MAN Holy crap it actually gets worse. Or maybe equally bad, just different bad.

They Gave Me A Lamp

I don’t even know or care what’s happening in this song but it’s like breathing air after drowning for just long enough to cause moderate brain death. Enough brain damage that I thought the talking woman was speaking another language but that seems to actually be English. This song is fine on its own. The horn-like sounds are back (for some reason they don’t sound like real horns to me) and there’s reasonable structure. It’s not the best song ever or even on the album but it’s solid. I’ve resigned myself to just accept the talking so having a different talker is a nice change of pace.

You + Me

I don’t think you should be allowed to use “+” in a song title. The only mathematical symbol I’ll accept is parenthesis. This song is some kind of halfhearted easy jazz and it feels like that other half a heart would really make a big difference. The singer is…fine. Not great. And whatever language she’s speaking has lots of throat clearing and spitting. Oh hey…male vocalist too. And he’s bad. And totally disjointed from the female vocalist. I like male/female duets a lot but this just feels like two different songs, not two people singing a song together. One minute before the end the strings come in but I’m just not sold on the fact that this woman loves this man’s bad singing so much that she’s going to stop spitting on him. Too bad, because with better singers this might have actually worked.

Mother of the Village

It’s fine. I guess. This song really does make me feel like I’m watching PBS and I promise that it didn’t occur to me until after I wrote that that the band is named after PBS. So that’s probably where all the talking comes from on the whole album. And like watching PBS, sometimes you get something unique and wonderful (the first two songs/Red Dwarf), sometimes you get something that is just fine that you leave on but don’t really care about (this song/Antiques Roadshow), and sometimes you get something boring or stupid that wasn’t good enough for regular TV (all the rest of the songs/everything else on PBS). The only thing missing is programming for kids and I’m now especially disappointed in the band for glossing over that part of PBS.

Take Me Home

This would be in the category of “stuff I’d leave on but not love” programming. This sounds like a sea chanty to me, which would probably make people who love sea chanties mad because of some rule or another but you know what? I’M NOT AN OLD-TIMEY SAILOR AND I DON’T HAVE SCURVY. I wonder if this is traditional or if they just did a good job faking it. Hmm…I can only find “Goombay Dance Band - TAKE ME HOME TO JAMAICA”. That sounds traditional. Good job.

Final Nielsen Rating: This is a weak two talking old British men out of five. If it was just the first two and last two songs with each stretched to at least 10 minutes I could see this at three or even 3.75 old men (one leg missing) but as it stands I don’t ever want to hear the full album again. Arousal level zero. ALSO What is with the band name? It's PSB and not PBS? Minus one old man limb for that.

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Take a picture on your phone and draw it on paper

Richard Dawson - Peasant 2017

One of those pictures is the album cover. Basically, I grabbed a bunch of images and dragged them around until I got itchy. That doesn't mean anything now, but just keep going. That's what I had to do.

1) Herald - Right oh. I can get on board with a nice instrumental lead track. As the kids are saying, that's my jam. Annnnd oh.. Why. random horn burps. Okay, cut that shit out.

2) Ogre - Group singing with short reprieves of singing. This is more distracting than anything else. I'm having trouble even catching the lyrics because the group singing is not good. How many people do they need to make this rubbish sound? Hmm.. Okay, halfway through we're hearing something a bit better here. Stripping down the sound was a much better choice. Okay, this is the peasant sound. Wow. This really turned into a pleasant sound. The Sun is dying. Whahhh, I don't know about that falsetto-ish voice. It's almost like he's trying to get to falsetto, but can't quite pull it off. Overall - I like this song enough that I want to listen to it again. Maybe my second listen will re-shape my ideas about the beginning of the song.

3) Soldier - The singer's voice is just shakey enough to give that authentic type of feel. Maybe his singing isn't his strength, but that makes me think that with this type of album that the writing has to be exceptional to make it worth an album. Sometimes, with writing there's the catch of a verse or song that can give the impression, but whole albums can be slapped together because an artist had one great song. The rest turns out to be rubbish and that's... well, that's when you realized you purchased an album that you only liked one song for. Thanks, Music Industry. When you really see excellence in the writing - you see it throughout. The song is just a chapter in a book. They work together in a complimentary and beautiful way. They stand alone, but the scope of the artistic piece is augmented by each other piece. Damnit, this song is ends and I haven't really written about the song. Yea, it's nice. Probably need to re-listen, but it's about the thoughts of a soldier.

4) Weaver - Hmmm this reminds me of something... Something I liked that does this better. Is it Phosphorescent? Damnit, this is going to bother me. Wait. I think it's Fire on Fire. I can't remember if that's what I'm thinking of. The way this song is playing the guitar on loose strings or something. I really want to check to see if I'm right, but there's no time for that! Onward and upward!

5) Prostitute - Damn, okay I think he should really consider giving up the falsetto attempt. It's not good. Also, I think this is about child sex trafficking and not really about prostitution. I don't have a lot to say about this song. It's meh.

6) Shapeshifter - I'm wondering what the title Peasant has to do with these song titles. When I think peasant, I think of a feudal serf. Like maybe they just think these things. I mean, an ogre, a soldier, a weaver, prostitute... then... a shapeshifter. I don't really understand what the hell is going on or why this would be built this way. I don't really have any qualms about disclosing that I can't stand Captain Beefheart (though it's been years since I've tried to listen to that rubbish), and this isn't that, but there's elements to that this reminds me of. That's not a good thing.

7) Scientist - guitar picking into a heavy handed string assortment. Yea, okay this guy has got to be thinking of "What kind of music could we make if we were peasants"? I guess he's nailing it? Which makes me think, that I don't want anything to do with peasant music. This was recommended as "Avant-Folk". For such an enticing sounding label, I want to murder this album so we can try something different to fit there.

8) Hob - I just checked. There's 4 more songs including this one. It's too much. I want to end this now, but for the sake of a full live review, I will continue. I suffer, so that you, dear reader, won't have to. This song is much the same as the previous. Except... yea, more falsetto attempts. Wow, I really hate this guy now. || Wow, I had to stop listening for a while, but came back... Still hate this. There is a very low priority on enunciation. That's not a bad thing in a lot of cases, 

9) Beggar - Apparently some music happened here. I didn't even notice it. Probably for the best.

10) No-one - This has to stop. How does this kind of thing get made. Someone thinks, "Yea, this track is necessary to the album. put it in there." "but it's just some droning noise." "just get it done."

11) Masseuse - This might be the least awful song on the album, but it's not good enough to warrant listening to the rest of the album. Maybe the strategy should have been to start here at Masseuse. Then work on the rest of the album. Similar to what an author might do. A rough draft starts, a lot of work, and then you realize after you've written thousands of words, that the story that wants to be told didn't manifest itself until tens or hundreds of hours had already been invested. 

Overall I give this album 2 stars out of a possible 15. I recommend it for someone that hasn't listened to any sounds for over a year and they are re-discovering their ability to hear.