(see also: http://paperstreetleakco.blogspot.com/2017/05/new-kids-on-block-nkotb-thankful-2017.html)
I can’t believe I’m doing this. Thanks a lot, Anonymous Rex.
1. Heartbeat
You can tell it’s a heartbeat because it sounds like a
heartbeat. If a robot duck had a beating heart. But it doesn’t because it’s
only made for quacking and killing and this duck is all out of quacks. But in
case I didn’t get the heartbeat thing by the way they were cooing “heartbeat”
over and over here are some drum rolls and then sung narration that the
drumming is happening JUST LIKE A HEARTBEAT. I’m actually really hoping the
rest of the EP follows suit and there are lines like “Baaaaby, now the
synthesizer will bleepbloop” and “If you wait for just two seconds, a trumpet
will play, now it happened, oooooooh”. It’s kind of hard to live review a song
that’s just two 20-second parts repeated until it’s over.
It’s over. I was going to use this live review to complain
about EPs but this music is complex enough that I really need to focus on
what’s happening here.
2. Thankful
Even though I don’t know any New Kids On The Block songs, I
always kind of thought they were a Christian band. The opening of this song is
only cementing that. Of course, for all I know they are a Christian band now.
I’d look it up but since it reinforces my personal worldview I’ll just accept
it as fact. This Christian song at least sounds different from the last one.
For one thing, there are significantly more “oooooooooh” sounds. Mostly this
song makes me think “what do I love about How To Dress Well that’s so different
from this?” I mean besides that How To Dress Well is good. The obvious answer
on this song is that NKOTB (I’m such an insider) have awful vocals and How To
Dress Well doesn’t. And maybe trite lyrics vs. something introspective and
emotional. But this isn’t about How To Dress Well, it’s a live review of a song
that I mostly just missed because I was thinking about a different artist’s
music.
||
3. One More
Night
Did he open by saying, “she gets me hight”? I think that’s a
mix of “high” and “hot”, which is not an entirely unreasonable portmanteau. The
music for this is the least offensive but as this album EP goes on the vocals
are becoming more and more grating to me. They all sound different enough that
I can tell there are different singers but not so much that any of them sound
like a unique person. I don’t like the funky guitar at two minutes. I was as
funked as I needed to be for this increasingly-ominous song. “Give me one more
night to love you” sounded threatening to begin with but by the time the music
goes silent at 2:41 I feel like I’m at the climax of a murder drama with
already-dim lights flashing on and off in the alley behind an hourly motel.
4. Hard (Not
Luvin U)
Nick Cave taught me to never accept a song with a single
letter in the title that’s not “A” or “I”. So right from the start I don’t
accept this song. The worst vocals so far with lots of high voice but I’m
charmed by the lyrics. I’m 100% sure he’s saying “Baby you’re a muffin and a
problem/give me one taste so I can make it stop”. Maybe after the slaughter in
the last song he baked his love into a muffin and the problem is that he needs
to get rid of all the muffins before the police catch on. It’s so hard to get
rid of muffins when everyone is gluten-free! I’ve come around on this one. It’s
my new favorite song, not just on the album but ever. All that muffin man talk
in the chorus is delightful and the icing on the muffin is the deep-voiced
break in the song reminding me IT’S SO HARD. Song of the year, probably of my life.
5. Still
Sounds Good
Hand clapping. Not my favorite rhythmic device. And it took
me too long to realize that this was a look back in time and not a song about
ogling underage individuals. I appreciate the confidence here, but the overall
message of “I refuse to grow or change in any way” doesn’t exactly resonate
with me. I think this is supposed to be a summer jam (oh wait, as I was writing
that they told me it was summertime – I’m a musical psychic!) but it’s not
really a song yet and is just a couple of disparate “retro” pieces adjacent to
each other. Remember rapping? I’m pretty sure the rap part is lumping about 30
years of pop culture into 1988. And like that it’s over…that was a worse fade
out than normal. If any effort had gone into the production of this EP I’d say
it was to intentionally simulate the awkward transitions of 80s radio but I
know that’s not the case. A real missed opportunity here to have someone do a
poor impersonation of a radio DJ to close out the song and EP experience.
Download links:
Hotfile
Coldfile
