I should have written an intro before I started listening but I didn't. It wouldn't be fair for me to say any more than that.
Poison Root
Well hey there, banjo. Nice to hear you. Humming, mumbling,
buzzing I like this all right so far although it just kind of sounds like Old
Hickory who sounded like folksy Nirvana. Or wait, is that Califone I’m thinking
of? Probably both. The strings are a really nice touch – like the way they work
their way up the scale and into the sky. I’m starting to get a little bored
though because it’s just the same mumbled phrase over and over and the music
isn’t going anywhere. Hey look at that, it’s over now.
Proud
This sounds a lot more like a real song. Sorry, a real POP
song. Maybe I just wasn’t in an artistic enough frame of mind for the last
song. This has a nice bounce to it and it’s nice that he wants to give his baby
a bottle. I kind of wish the vocals were a little more at the forefront. It
sounds like he’s trying to hide his voice among a chorus of high-voiced singers
and I want to hear his voice separated more. I’m trying to figure out the
lyrics because I think this is one of those “I’ll say something positive at the
start of the song to throw you off but then get negative at the end to make you
sad” songs. I guess. So far the lyrics aren’t remarkable but there’s a nice
interlude with lots of “oooooh” parts. Not loving the way this song closes out
though. Kind of flat and dull compared to the rest.
County
Oh god…high voice. Whitney killed high voice for me last
year and now I’m overly judgmental about it. It just seems like such a cop out
and I don’t even know who likes it. JUST SING NORMALLY. This song is trying to
be…groovy? I don’t quite know. A minute in and it just lost track of itself
with a weak guitar solo over clumsy bass guitar. None of the three instruments
playing are in time with each other. Good thing high voice is back to not tie
it all together. What the hell is going on here? So far there are two (mostly,
I’m not quite done with this song) non-songs and one song. 33% song ratio so
far.
Bobby
Yay, more strings! This better have some good singing. Nope.
More weak warbling hiding with another voice but not actually singing together.
At least it sounds more like a real song again, but I’m really starting to get
fed up with the vocals on this album. The female vocalist is actually pretty
nice from what I can hear BUT I can’t hear her very well because I’m not
allowed to. No one is. This chorus might be kind of catchy if the sound of
rosin dust falling off the violin wasn’t louder than the vocal track. Oh hey,
right near the end and it’s actually getting a little louder. Should have been
there from the get go. The lyrics are actually a little grating now but this is
the best song so far. Sometime in college I realized that a lot of musicians
would say things like “I know what you’re doing” and “I know you I do I do”
when they didn’t have actual lyrics because they sounded introspective and
rhymed. Sandy Alex, I know you, I do I do.
Witch
I would put money on that this song is just going to be a
couple of sustained notes and echoing mumbled vocals with no real structure. Halfway
through and I’m going to win this bet with myself. There’s a shrieky woman in
the background – is she the witch? She’s being drowned out by a shriekier shrieky
noise. Hey look at that, he’s trailing off everything 30 seconds before the
song is over. I win money from me.
Horse
I kind of like the song names on this album but WHAT AM I
LISTENING TO? Synthesizer poop being thrown at a row of wind-up clapping
monkeys? That has to be a funny statement because it has a poop joke and a
funny “k” but this is not a funny song. Or a good song. Or even a song at all. Is
this supposed to be something I can appreciate artistically? It ends with 20
seconds of someone going “eeeaaagh, uggggh” like when kids in middle school
would mock people with disabilities. I’m being mocked.
Brick
This is getting worse. I should have stopped after the first
three songs. Godheadsilo can pull off the drum/bass/distortion thing – The Sandyman
can’t. Even if I decide I like this album I will never listen to this song
again. Mixed in with the basement thrash there’s a part that sounds like
Anthrax’s jokey songs played through a child’s tape recorder. Except children
don’t have those any more and neither should this band. Or is it a guy? I don’t
care. I hate this song and anything would be better.
Sportstar
Funny robot voice. Almost a real beat. Piano…notes. No, the
piano is just being hit randomly. The rest of this could be fine if it builds
up to something. Anything. So far my main issue with this album is that it is
afraid to commit. It goes nowhere. Not looking good for this song either. Hey,
piano break! This is close to a song I could like but man am I in a bad mood
after the last song. Also I still can’t hear the vocals and I can guarantee the
song won’t commit to a structure and will eventually mumble its way out.
Yep
Judge
I’ve already judged by this point. Sorry, goat album. I
think this is a Metallica cover. Whispermumble atonal singing. I wonder if the
out of tune stuff is on purpose or if he(?) just doesn’t realize that
everything is half a step off from where it should be. My headphones just told
me “battery very low” and it’s the first time I’ve ever been happy to hear
that. We’ll see if the headphones can stick out five more songs after this.
This is another song where there are aspects of the music I might like if they
weren’t paired with THE SHRIEKING SOUND YOU HEAR WHEN YOUR EARS ARE RINGING
BECAUSE YOU JUST GOT HIT IN THE HEAD.
Rocket
I’m getting tempted to skip to the end of songs at this
point but it’s not fair so I won’t. This opens with a plunky saloon piano bit…and
then I missed the whole song. Totally checked out. Not going back.
Powerful Man
Almost real singing! The powerful man sings powerfully. Ish.
Clear voice, clear guitar, clear violin…hey, I’ll take it! The lyrics are
awfully trite (I never raised a kid but I bet I’d do a good job if I did) but
whatever. This is better than anything else on the album even if it sounds like
a high school band’s first attempt at playing something other than what their
teacher assigned them. Even the background vocals are OK (but flat, of course).
Solid C+. Extra credit for the BATTERY VERY LOW PLEASE CHARGE NOW part at the
end.
Alina
This sounds like a real song too! The pick scraping works
pretty well in the intro but god am I sick of these vocals. Back to the mumbled
faded vocals again. Still in the top three songs on the album but the piano is
just going up and down the scale and it’s starting to distract from the rest of
the song. One minute intro…now start singing the real song? Nope. More guitar
pick. And now the same loop from the first minute. Dammit. It just got demoted
to being only in the top four songs on the album. Who am I kidding…I’m not
keeping track. Another song that goes nowhere
POWER OFF
I missed the last minute.
If my headphones had battery I would have listened to these
two songs but they didn’t so I won’t.
Big Fish
Guilty
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